Da Goddess

Blister in The Sun

As I was driving my sunburned ass (no blisters - yet) all over town today, I was struck by several thoughts:

1) Why are all Weight Watchers, Jenny Craigs, and (now defunct) NutriSystems located next to Del Tacos, Arby's, Godfather's Pizza (Lunch Special! $5.49 - Includes pizza, breadsticks, salad, bread rolls, surf and turf, the kitchen sink, a bag of coal, ice cream sundae - whipped topping sold separately), and Burger Kings? Is this the diet industry's way of guilting us into weightloss? "Binge with them, repent with us?"

2) Hemorrhoid Clinic - Laser Removal! Uh....yeah. This is the same place that practically burnt to the ground three and a half years ago. That sounds positively, absolutely safe to me. They were next door to a dentist and above a mattress store. The dentist and the mattress store stayed open during the "remodel." I'll pass on all three, thank you.

3) Adult book stores in this area are all within less than a block of a) a mattress store and/or b) a strip club.

4) My ass got much more sunburned than I was anticipating. Ouch. No hemorrhoids, though. Hmm....maybe I should advertise the tanning place as an alternative to the lasers.....

5) Due to the marvels of modern medical science, we now have a couple of generations who will never understand a) why some people have more problems than Carters has pills; b) why people used to take to bed with consumption and/or c) women often retired with the vapors; d) what lumbago is; and e) the heartbreak of psoriasis. Sure, I laugh when I hear those phrases because I can recall hearing them. I'll just never be able to have my kids laugh along with me.

6) Next time I have the chance, I'm telling the woman in the parking lot at Price Club with her Chrissy Snow outfit, complete with heels and hair (although hers was brown), that she is NOT classy or cute. Either that, or I run her over and claim I was blinded by all that gold lam\x{00E9} trim.

7) Growing up in this area, I can remember when the biggest scandal in town was the single blue tiled roof on Great Western Bank. It clashed with all the red tile rooftops and went against every code in the book. They kept the roof but were subject to their fountain being filled with laundry detergent frequently as payback.

8) I'm playing WAY TOO MANY computer games lately. That's pretty much the main reason I always end up with little time spent writing. Well, aside from all the work, reading, and time I've been spending with the guys here. I kick serious ass at Rocket Mania, though. I'm currently Master of Fire. And, I've broken 1,000,000 on Super Collapse II on more than one occasion. Pretty nifty! However, those fabulous achievements do not mean I can create my own faster checkout lane at the grocery store - no matter how much I imagine the people in front of me disappearing like tiles from a game.

9) I will NOT attempt to download the hack for Diamond Mine ever again. Two viruses are all I needed to learn that lesson.

10) I really want to finish my current book. I need to pass it on to Greg and then get it down to the radio station for one of the DJs. I need to mail out the other copy of the same book to a friend in Australia.

Ten's a good number. I'll stop there.

Okay, maybe not.

11) If you're gonna make cookies in a toaster oven, don't use the bottom rack.

12) My heat rash from last week went from bad to worse to even WORSE in one day....and now, it's not bothering me all that much twelve hours later. Must be the sunburn.

13) Do your nipples feel differently after breast reduction surgery?

14) No, Theo, I don't think I'd like any gum right now. Thanks, though. Perhaps if this version of you had asked....

15) Is it too late to change careers and become a wildlife photographer?

16) How many excuses can a handyman have?

17) How long before the landlord hires us a new handyman and gets our - ahem - move-in-list done?

18) Please, Ikea, have the mattress in stock tomorrow!

19) I hope the bed assembles easily.

20) Are Bob The Builder sheets still cool?

Posted by DaGoddess at September 10, 2003 11:51 PM