« May 2006 | Main | July 2006 »
June 29, 2006
Poolside Vision
My pain clinic regimen includes pool therapy, which I absolutely love! Today was no different. I started off my PC day at the pool, as I do 2 out of 3 days each week.
Since I had a bit of a gap between pool therapy and the next session over at the rehab facility, I opted to stay in the water a bit longer. I watched the kids who were busy with swim lessons and enjoyed their youthful enthusiasm as they splashed about. Sometimes it's little details such as those that help me through the worst of my bad days.
At one point, I dunked under the water and gave thought to the group I knew would soon be gathering in Georgia for Rob's service. As I came up out of the water, I looked up and saw a man walking toward a bench with a youngster. My heart stopped. My jaw dropped. Save for the slightly darker hair, the man looked exactly like Rob!
I got my heart beating again, took a breath, rubbed my eyes, and looked again, sure I was seeing things. Nope. The man still looked like Rob.
As the children laughed and splashed in the background, I saw this man talking with his son, who appeared to be listening to his father intently. It was in this moment that I felt the presence of my friend and was instantly comforted. The sounds of the children playing added to the experience as I thought of how much Rob loved kids, loved entertaining them, hearing them laugh, and how much kids absolutely loved him.
I may not have been at his service, I may not have been able to talk with him "one last time", but I did find peace in the appearance of his dopplegänger.
Wherever Rob is now, I'm certain he's surrounded by all the things that made him happy.
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:17 PM | Comments (0)
Shipping Out
Smash is shipping out on Saturday and I'm very proud of what he's doing.
I'm very lucky to have such wonderful friends. Especially the sort of folks like the Smashes, you know, the kind I can introduce to other people. Thankfully the embarrassment of our friendship is unidirectional - them by me. But, the cool part is that I raise my social quotient by merely knowing them.
Quit laughing. I've often commented on how socially retarded I can be. With them, I feel almost ready to mainstream. And they are absolutely wonderful for putting up with me.
Now, what to do with Mrs. Smash while her man is gone...I may have to drag her to Vegas for some wild adventure. Or maybe I'll just take up residence in their guestroom while he's gone.
Reality dictates that absolutely none of this will happen and that, if I'm lucky, Mrs. S will me meet for lunch one day between pain clinic sessions since I'm completely without a car now. I'll take whatever I can get. Hmm...maybe I can talk her into a trip to Ikea, too.
Smash, take care and we'll see you soon. Don't worry about what your wife is doing. She'll be safe with me and Little Dude around. Oh, wait...LD and your wife...that could be a problem, couldn't it?
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:31 PM | Comments (7)
June 28, 2006
Online Memorial For Rob
There will be an online memorial for Rob at 4pm Eastern tomorrow (Thursday, June 29). Please check in if you are able.
Yeah, I know. I finally linked. I have not done so before now because I didn't want to become part of the circus surrounding my friend's death. But this is one of those times when it's worth taking that chance.
What I'm about to say will likely be very unpopular and I really don't give a shit. After this, I hope they close down the comments and the trackbacks and let Rob's words stand on their own. I'd hate to see the site become a place where Rob gets lost and everyone tries to one-up each other on who was a closer friend, who knew him better, etc. I'm watching it happening already in the comments and on other websites and it makes me sick. Nobody owned Rob Smith and nobody knew him the same way anyone else did. To try to claim anything else is just ridiculous. I'm sure Rob would have loved the spectacle of it all...for a bit. And then he would have told everyone to fuck off and quit screwing up his site.
So there you have it. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way about his site. I pray those who have the ear of someone with the power to do something to preserve the integrity of the site will prevail.
Until then, join in the remembrance of Robby tomorrow. I wish I could be there, in Georgia or at the time of the online memorial, but I can't. Instead, I'll hoist a shot tonight and sing a song that rotten old bastid taught me.
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:40 PM | Comments (13)
Rob's Music II
For the next week or so, Rob's songs (as I receive them), will be placed at the top of the sidebar.
Enjoy.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:14 PM | Comments (7)
June 27, 2006
Rob's Music
One of Rob's friends sent me one of his songs. I converted the file and finally got it uploaded after listening to it a few dozen times.
If you're so inclined, "My Door Is Always Open" over on Bonamassa Blog.
Since it seems comments are still being fixed, and I'm having such a tough time with other blog issues here, I'll post anything music related over on the other site until the bugs are exterminated.
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)
Comments Are Back?
Thanks to Laughing Wolf, the comments work again are closer to being usable.
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:48 PM | Comments (5)
Broken Heart Syndrome
Believe it or not, there is such a thing as Broken Heart Syndrome. In separate studies, it was proven that heart wrenching events caused changes in cardiac function.
Yeah, that's part of the nursing newsletter that showed up in my email overnight. Strange that it would come on the heels of the death of a man whose heart had been shattered.
Thanks to Chris Muir for taking notice of what has been a big shock and loss for many people.
More thanks go out to Ronnie Baker Brooks for helping to ease the pain. Some serious blues and big hug made a world of difference.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:51 AM | Comments (1)
June 26, 2006
Vacation Memories
Some of the most fun I ever had blogging was while I was on vacation with Rob long ago.
If you want a good laugh, just read some of the stuff we wrote - some of it's true, some of it's not. You get to figure out which is which. Scroll down to the very bottom of the page and read your way to the top. Then look throught rest of the archives.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:51 PM | Comments (2)
RIP Acidman
Most of the blogosphere's been all over this already, but for the few who didn't know, Rob - Gut Rumbles - Acidman - whatever you called him, is gone. He was discovered dead around 2 a.m., with no obvious signs of what may have been the cause.
For those who read his site regularly, there was a post from a couple days ago where he stated this was the end. Of course, he posted right after that in typical Rob fashion. It wasn't the first time we'd read something like that. And, I had considered calling him, in fact, that was something I'd planned on doing for the last week. But I didn't call for fear of stepping on one of his land mines. Lest anyone think I'm speaking ill of the dead, think what you want, as Rob's friend, I was far too often caught in his line of fire and knew there were good times to call and bad times to call and heaven help the person who picked the wrong time! I learned to wait until it "felt" right. I was rarely wrong.
Rob was a fantastic and funny man, one of the best storytellers I've ever met. He loved his children deeply, and the loss of time with his son did more damage to his heart and soul than his prostate cancer. He could be inspirational and he could be irascible. He could be infuriating as well. Under all of that, though, was a man haunted by things the rest of us can only imagine. Not even his oldest and closest friends knew all that went on in that tortured mind. In fact, I don't think Rob even really knew, or wanted to know. But that is wholly beside the point.
The simple fact is, Rob lived much of his last four years in profound psychic pain. No amount of adoration from the masses could soothe his soul or make him feel whole again. That just wasn't possible. And if his stint at Willingway couldn't help him, nothing could. Getting sober was easy, exorcising demons never is.
My friendship with Rob began shortly after I started blogging, in other words, less than a month after I began. He was one of the original two friends I'd made through my blog and it didn't take long before we were talking on the phone (which he said he hated to do, but our three hour calls said otherwise), emailing frequently, and then, bam! We were sitting on a beach in Daytona together. The photo above (the one that's graced his site for years) was taken on the balcony of the place we stayed in there in Daytona. That trip was one of the best vacations I've ever had. Rob and I laughed and cried and laughed some more. It was very hard to say goodbye.
Our friendship went through many phases, including one of intense irritation and aggravation. Frankly, there were times I flat out hated him. But deep down, I loved Rob - right from the first email. Some people are just meant to be a part of your life and Rob was, for ill or for good, meant to be a part of mine.
I will miss his delightful cackle, his deeply sweet Southern drawl, his promises to come visit (I'll likely always be a bit pissed that he let me down on that one), I'll miss his wonderfully warm songs, the beautiful music he created, and I'll miss not being able to have him watch, or at least hear, my son play the guitar Rob sent him.
And damn if it wasn't just last week that I was on the phone with a blues legend, telling him of Rob's kind gesture. You see, the guitar was sent to Little Dude because he'd seen this bluesman in concert. Rob had seen this man at Merle Fest and understood the inspiration. The guitar was Rob's contribution to my son's future as a musician/storyteller. He always did stuff like that.
For all our arguments and grumbling back and forth, we were friends. Good friends, true friends, real life friends. We showed the best and the worst of ourselves to one another.
Friendship, however, is not a cure for loneliness that resides deep within some of us, like Rob.
I'm sorry Rob is gone. I'll miss him. I know that he's out of pain now, free from all the thoughts and fears and memories that tortured him for so long. I wish he'd found a way to overcome those things without having to die, but Rob dealt with those demons the way he did for a reason and not one of us should have expected anything different.
Rob, I love you and I will miss you. You gave me more than a few good memories, my friend, and I'll never forget you for any of it.
Rest in peace, sweetie. Let your soul sing again.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:34 PM | Comments (3)
June 23, 2006
LD and PC Update
Little Dude seemed a bit better yesterday morning before his dad came to pick him up. At least, his temp was hovering around 100°. I had Pain Clinic and there's no way I could have taken him with me - not fair to him or the other patients, y'know.
It had been a sleepless night. I can't sleep when someone in my house has a temp over 102°. With the kiddo running well over that, I was afraid to close my eyes. It took many doses of children's ibuprofen to bring it down. And then, just as it seemed the fever had finally broken, he woke up and said he thought he was going to vomit. Sure nuff, he did. Then the temp started to rise again.
At his dad's, his temp seemed to stay under 101 and that was a good sign. Yes, I called a bunch of times. I couldn't help it.
This morning, on my way to Pain Clinic, I called in to check on him. His temp spiked to over 102°. His cough has become more of an issue. It's tight. Really tight. I'm afraid he has pneumonia. Not fun. But, we'll wait to see what happens tomorrow. If his temp won't come down and stay down, off to the doctor he goes.
I hate not having him here when he's sick, but it's not fair to keep shuffling him back and forth when he's already uncomfortable. And, I can't miss any Pain Clinic appointments. I only get six weeks to learn what I need to manage my pain.
And let me tell you, not sleeping? That's not good for pain or mood. I got a bit surly with one of the people today. I felt bad, but I'd told her I hadn't slept THREE TIMES and couldn't wrap my mind around what she was asking. Still she persisted.
My favorite part of Pain Clinic is pool therapy. I can't describe how wonderful it feels to have warm water soothing my limbs. It's like heaven! In the jacuzzi, we do this thing where we're slightly buoyed, and yet, we have to free float. Don't worry, I'll explain it another time. The point is, I rather imagine this is how a fetus feels - floating in the warmth of all that fluid.
Well, that's it for updates on PC and my little sweetie. Thanks for the emails inquiring. I'm sorry comments are FUBAR. I don't know what's going on with Blacklist, but I know my other, non-blacklist-installed site is getting spammed something awful. I can only think Blacklist is working overtime to kill everything. And really, some of it's pretty damn foul.
Bear with me until I can find someone to fix things. You know where to find me at gmail if you need. Just type in my first and last names (for those who know them) and add that gmail domain. For those who don't know my first and last names, if you use this domain name at the not-d-not-e-not-f-but-gmail, I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. I'm not as good about checking that account as I should be, but I do check every few days.
Thanks again, folks! I'm off to listen to my Joe Bonamassa You & Me CD again. Good stuff! Or, I may listen to my Refugee Allstars of Sierra Leone CD, also good stuff. I take my bliss where I can find it, y'all.
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:09 PM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2006
Isn't the Last Day of School Supposed to Be the Best Day EVER?
As I picked up Little Dude from school - his last day of the school year - I noticed a long face and a very slow walk. I asked him what was wrong and, in a teeny tiny little voice, he said he didn't feel well.
I thought maybe he was overwhelmed by having to say goodbye to one of the best teachers in the world. Or maybe he was made because I was running late. It could have possibly been the heat (and humidity) of the day.
Well, as an experienced mother and nurse, I know there is often but one cure for all that ails a child: Ice cream.
I offered my son some ice cream and he weakly said, "Okay."
He didn't even get through the whole thing. I wasn't worried about that, it was only forty-nine cents. What did bother me is that he NEVER doesn't finish his ice cream. Ever.
I eschewed all other errands and brought him home. He went over to the couch and curled up, pulling a blanket over him.
"You don't need a blanket! It's freakin' hot, kiddo."
"I'm cold, Mom."
I'm sweating up a storm and he's cold? Crap! A quick check with the thermometer and I see he's at 102.1°. Out comes the Ibuprofen and the ice packs. An hour later, he's not looking much better. In fact, he seems to be "wilting". I check his temp again, 103.7°. I get out more ice packs, angle the fan at him, and pour him some Gatorade and do whatever else I can think to cool him down. I tell him he has exactly 60 minutes left on the clock to bring his temp down or we're going to the doctor.
...
...
An hour's a long fucking time when your kid has a temp that high.
...
...
DING!
Temp is finally down to 102.7°. Not great, but better. An hour after that, it's 102.2°.
He's finally cooled off enough to eat something and drink more. We're just hanging out on the couch waiting for him to fully recover.
Ugh! Wasn't the last day of school supposed to be like the best day EVER? One of these days.
I'll pretend this isn't a sign as to how the rest of the summer will play out for us. I want him to have a good two months.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:12 PM | Comments (0)
Out Out Damn Blacklist!
Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It seems Blacklist has gone absolutely crazy on me and now there are no comments at all. The spam's stopped, which is great, but now no one can leave even the most innocuous of comments in any form.
I will give my first born...er...um...my kingdom for the removal of the evil Blacklist. I will give even more to have have this site completely revamped. More, meaning anything not involving money (of which I have none). Or sex. Or anything more than my undying gratitude. Okay, fine. If I win the lottery, we split it 50-50, m'kay?
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:22 AM | Comments (0)
June 18, 2006
Murphy
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:32 PM | Comments (0)
Anger Management
Me: Little Dude, can you go brush your teeth, please?
Little Dude: ...
Me: LD, teeth.
LD: ...
Me: Hey, you! Child o' mine. Sweetie pie.
LD: ...
Me: Do you want me to take that game away from you?
LD: Wha'? What? [in a majorly an exasperated tone]
Me: I said, could you please go brush your teeth?
LD: MOOOOOOOOOM! You just made me mess up my game! Now I'm in last place!
Me: You usually are in last place. Don't blame me. Go brush your teeth.
LD: Grrrrrrrr! Aaaaarrrggghhh! Stop it!
Me: No, you stop. Right now. And go brush your teeth.
LD: Stoooooop!
Me: That's it. Game over. I don't need anyone being crabby with me.
LD: I'm sorry, Mom. But this is my anger management program. I need to play!
Me: ...
When he returned from brushing his teeth, I think I pretty much had all the tears of laughter wiped away. At least, I hope I did.
Posted by Da Goddess at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)
June 14, 2006
Time For Pretty
Posted by Da Goddess at 09:32 PM | Comments (0)
June 12, 2006
The Project Valour IT Support List
Mudville Gazette
The Donovan at CastleArgghhh!
Blackfive
Smash
BloodSpite
Boston Maggie
Small Town Veteran
Righty in a Lefty State
Homefront Six
One Marine's View
A Rose By Any Other Name
Echo9er
If you're still confused, I wrote something up (see below) on the current Valour IT need.
Support the supporters! Go show them your willingness to help.
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:54 PM | Comments (0)
Project Valour IT
Imagine not being able to log onto your computer and check your email, read the news, or catch up on the latest photos of your children or other family. You want to, but your hands and arms, for whatever reason, aren't available to you. Or maybe you can't see. Good Lord, you can't see anything or use your arms! Imagine being far away from friends and family and feeling completely isolated while you lie in a hospital bed, scared. For less than $700, a wounded soldier, airman, sailor, or Marine can reconnect with loved ones, erasing the miles and much of the fear that comes with being alone while fighting to recover from severe injuries that have robbed you of your independence.
Project Valour IT makes this all possible. Or rather, Valour IT and YOU make this possible.
- Dell C610 laptop computer
(P3 1 GHz, 512 MB RAM, 40 GB HD, WiFi, DVD-R/W, Windows XP, MS Office) $625
- Voice Activated Software with Headset No Cost
- TOTAL per laptop (incl. shipping, est. $35): $660.00
Less than $700 to give our wounded warriors a little independence and the gift of communication.
Amazing, isn't it?
Captain Chuck Ziegenfuss has been there. He experienced the benefits of voice activated technology as he recovered from injuries sustained in Iraq. Sergeant Elijah Allen knows how wonderful a gift these computers are, too. These men represent almost 500 others who know the power of communication as distributed by Project Valour IT and the generosity of folks like you.
I wish I had money to buy someone a computer straight out, but I'm working on a loaner myself. When I think of the independence and opportunities I have with this laptop, I can only imagine how much worse it is for someone who can't access the keyboard or see what's on the screen. Too many hours spent lying alone with no means of communication is lonely and depressing and frustrating. I would be nowhere without my borrowed laptop on days when I'm immobile. Weeks, months, and years would be completely unbearable.
If you can donate a dollar or two, that brings someone in need one step closer to independent communication. It's such an easy thing to do. So very easy. As easy as clicking on a link such as this one.
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:00 AM | Comments (3)
June 10, 2006
Beauty and Bodies
My friend and co-editor over at Blogcritics wrote the most incredible article on beauty and nudity ever.
When nude, we can't hide behind our money, education, titles, and property. Whether they admit it or not, for most, nudity is less about modesty and more about status. In the nude, no one is rich or poor, educated or illiterate, a doctor or a maid. We are all the same — naked. If we do come out from behind what we have and come to accept our every flaw, we'll soon come to see our own beauty. In so doing, we will be able to see the beauty in others and will soon realize others are seeing the same in us.
That's just a very small portion of an incredibly moving piece. I wanted to copy the entire thing, but instead, I will send you there directly.
Go read. Do yourselves a big favor and read it. Every blessed beautiful word.
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:46 AM | Comments (4)
June 07, 2006
Bring on the Pain!
Big day at the pain clinic today. It turned out to be especially painful as I've been hurting terribly since Friday. Yesterday I barely moved except to get up and head to the bathroom. It was an adventure, let me tell you!
I've been battling pain issues a lot lately and I'm beginning to wonder if I couldn't just lop off my head and make it all go away. Then again, I think, "well, you're obviously feeling SOMETHING, so you're alive. That's always good." Good being a relative term.
But, yes, I'm alive and that counts for a lot.
Now, if only the pain clinic weren't so intent on trying to kill me.
I guess it's a case of the old "you gotta be cruel to be kind" or something.
Note: Heh. Someone decided I'm experiencing the wonderful attention from a physical terrorist. Yep. That about sums it up.
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:53 PM | Comments (2)