Da Goddess

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November 30, 2007

Get Up, Stand Up

Boy, it pays to stand up for yourself. After all the crap yesterday, there's been a bit of progress made.

Apparently the mere thought that I would do something so ridiculous as holding his keys until I got rent money made the roommate rethink his position. I'm not getting all the money for rent, I will be getting most of it. (I have no idea where the rest went.) While he was off sulking and whatever else in his room, I placed the keys on top of a note next to the computer. I simply stated, in the note, that he repay Little Dude the money he owes him (don't even ask...this was a major beef a couple months ago and his actions were completely unacceptable on every level) and to bring in all our stuff from the car. Next thing you know, I got a sort of apology and a promise that adequate notice would be given before he vacates. Oh, and the money (partial) for rent.

I don't think this would have happened if I hadn't held on to those keys. It seems like a "stunt" ultimatum, but if you knew this guy, you'd understand how it was the only thing he'd get. Some people.

Posted by Da Goddess at 04:57 PM | Comments (1)

November 29, 2007

While I'm On A Roll...

I was just emailing back and forth with a friend and he mentioned feeling more like a broken angel (after I called him one -- an angel, that is) and you know, that's exactly how I feel anymore.

I feel like I'm breaking more than I fix. For every step forward, it's at least two steps back.

I had the perfect job when I got hurt. I mean, it was THE PERFECT JOB. I'd finally found where I belonged. It challenged me like no job I'd ever had before. My passion for nursing was given a turbo charged injection of knowledge and skills that I felt completely ready to tackle. I was THERE. I was completely there for every shift. Mentally, that is. It all clicked. And then I got hurt and it was all taken away from me.

Worse than the disappointments I've faced are the ones my son has had to face for the last (almost) three years. I feel like I'm taking my kid's childhood away from him with all this. He shouldn't have to deal with a broken mom. Wondering if we'll ever be able to do all the fun things we used to do. Wondering if he'll ever know for certain, day to day, what to expect. Wondering what'll happen with our home.

While I was at my deposition last week (yes, finally had one), I told all this to the attorney for the insurance company. I told him if the insurance company had acted responsibly and provided me treatment sooner, I wouldn't be in the shape I'm in right now. (Apparently he agreed and is requesting they get me in to see a surgeon ASAP.)

Part of me wishes I could redo that night. But if I did anything differently, I'd have been doing less than my full duties as a nurse.

I wish I could have back all those days I lost with my son. Thankfully, my daughter is in a good situation and, as a teenager, she's oblivious. It hasn't bothered her at all. Yet, I see what this has done to Little Dude. I see it in his eyes. I wish I could take all that sadness. loss, and fear away for him. No child should have to struggle as he has.

If wishes were fishes, we'd never go hungry, I guess.

I'm mad. I'm sad. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Posted by Da Goddess at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)

Payment Due

Major bitch below. Read at your own peril.

I'm fuming mad. I've never been as angry as I am right now.

You know, you help someone out because you're a nice person. And there's a cool reciprocity to the situation. Physically, I needed help. Financially, he was strapped for the time being. Until he could get his cash flow in the black, he had a nice warm place to stay, food on the table, and all amenities. As soon as the money came in, he'd pay me. He also had some physical problems at the time, so it seemed like a good idea. Sort of a Wimpy/Popeye thing. That was always the understanding. One hand helping the other. At least, that's what you'd THINK.

I should have known better. I've been burned on this one before. I never seem to fucking learn, though. But, damn. I operate on the belief that each person should be judged separately, not by the actions of others. That's the way it should work, right?

Y'see, my roommate for the last year and a half is skipping out on rent and other bills. If you figure the actual cost of things, and the amount he's actually contributed over the last 18+ months, there's still a debit in his column. And he's not gonna make good on it.

Right now, we're deadlocked and we're both pissed. He told me to stay off his computer until he leaves. I don't think so. I'm paying the damn Internet bill. He wants to leave and I have his car keys. Kinda hard for him to exit without that. He says he should have left while I was off house sitting. Yeah, sure...but then when would he have had time to rifle through my belongings AGAIN?

Am I totally wrong on the car keys? Am I wrong to expect someone to make good on their word? And what the fuck am I going to do? After I pay my phone and cable...and if I don't pay the electric bill, I'm still short a good $1100 for rent. That's without food for my son. That also leaves us without a car for me to get him from school or drop him off. My car, by the way, he drove whenever he could and he was the one driving it as it fell apart, mostly because his car was parked "too far away". But hey, whatever. At least I got to drive his after mine died. He's also responsible for $1500 worth of tickets on the thing while it was still running. Did he pay for those? Nope.

When we moved into this place, he knew he had an obligation to make good on the finances. And, to be honest, he did contribute. But he knew there was more he still owed. Lots more. The whole point of our arrangement was so neither of us would end up out in the cold. No desperate situation for anyone. Except he changed the rules of engagement. I am livid. I'm at a loss here.

I feel betrayed, cheated, duped, desperate, and totally screwed over.

I'm sick of cowardly people. I'm tired of being Little Miss Welcome Mat. In some ways, I know I'm more trusting than I should be. I'm afraid to go to sleep now. I'm afraid to go to lunch with my mom. She's been after me to go for a week and now I don't feel like I can leave. Could someone just kick me in the ass...hard? I couldn't feel any worse than I do right now.

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:52 AM | Comments (3)

November 25, 2007

Pet Sitting

I've been pet sitting for the past week and this is one of my sittees. His name is Bailey. I've taken a lot of photos and this is the one I like best as far as lighting goes. All natural, available light.

Little Dude was helping me up until Thanksgiving with the dogs. He was awesome and he got in a lot of quality dog time. Some of it was not so great -- like when he had to clean up a few accidents. I had to keep from chuckling as he tried to refrain from gagging while mopping up the puddles. Hopefully this will keep the "can I get a dog" questions to a minimum for a while.

I'm hoping his mom doesn't mind my flagrant exploitation of him, cuz, dammit, I have to share this image with you.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:28 PM | Comments (2)

November 09, 2007

Have You Hugged A Vet Today?

Well, have you? If you can't physically embrace a veteran at the moment, reach out with an email or a phone call and let them know you care.

I know of a local family who was celebrating the return of their loved one from Iraq this weekend. Driving out to school to pick up Little Dude, I spied a technicolor sign attached to a street sign. It said, "Welcome Back From Iraq! We Missed You!" Indeed, welcome back.

Little Dude and I are sitting here watching a Band Of Bloggers, which features our own Doc in the Box, Sean. It's been a real eye opener for LD to hear the actual stories from someone he knows. Yeah, he's heard some before, but this has been much more vivid because he's seeing Sean -- and all our military friends -- in a different light because of the similarity in the stories he's hearing all gathered in one place.

Recently, LD had his great aunt and uncle visit his class at school. Both are retired Marines. It was a rare opportunity for most of the kids to hear about the WACS and the WAVES, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and the life of a drill instructor. Real people, real history. How many of us ever really get a chance like that?

Like so many of our friends, our lives have been deeply touched by those who serve, have served, and their families. Thankfully, we know more veterans who are still alive and that's something we don't ever take for granted. None of us should. Too many families can't say that. And yet, they maintain their pride in the service of their beloved and for their own sacrifices. Yes, the families give much while their loved ones are often far from home. It's not easy and we should never forget this.

Thank a vet today. Tomorrow. The day after that. Do it every day. They deserve at least that much from us, don't you think?

Posted by Da Goddess at 08:00 PM | Comments (3)

Friday Thoughts

Forgive my temporary absence once again. My ears are still bleeding, but only a little now. Why? I'm recovering from the first of the horrific ToysRUs holiday commercials. Maybe you've been tortured by the same one...a mom calls out to her kid that it's time for bed and the moppett appears, only to screech at a pitch most suited for dogs, "raiseyourhandsifyouthinkweshouldgetmoretoys". At least, that's what I think she says. Honestly, there's no pause between words. There's no inflection. There's no...there's nothing that makes this even marginally a watchable ad. And then....and then! And then her mom opens the damn TRU catalog. I can't decide who irritates me more.

The worst part of the whole thing is one would imagine this commercial is THE BEST TAKE out of God knows how many. Yes, this was the ad ToysRUs purposely chose for the start of their holiday advertisments.

What the hell were they thinking?

In other news, I took a nasty fall this afternoon. I picked Little Dude up from school and we stopped off on a couple errands. My lower back has been bothering me something awful for a week or two, but it wasn't too bad today. I got out of the car, went to take a step, and my foot went totally numb. Just that little bit of movement rubbed on a nerve the wrong way or something. When my foot came down, so did the rest of me. My knee, shin, ankle, and foot are a rather interesting color and hurt like a motha! I'm actually considering a trip to the hospital if it doesn't look better in the morning.

Adding to the good news ('cause that's what I do, right?), I got my penultimate check from the insurance company today. I have one more for $500 coming in two weeks and then I'm stuck in a holding pattern until depositions and settlement talks bring about some sort of conclusion. I'm scared shitless. I can't get state disability (injury was over two years ago). SSI is still pending. Food stamps only cover food, natch. So I don't know how the hell I'm going to keep a roof over our heads until we reach a settlement.

"But, why don't you just go get a job, DG?" you ask.

Didn't you read that part about the fall? Yeah, that's a regular part of my life. The insurance company has been denying my lower back claim and things have progressively worsened. I don't know from one day to the next if I'll be able to walk or not. Sometimes I'm good for a week or two. Sometimes I'm down for a week or two. Kinda hard to find anyone willing to hire someone who can't guarantee actually showing up for their job. Then there are all the limits I have based on the upper back injury. That's what did me in with my former job. I'll never go back to regular nursing with those restrictions.

So, panic has officially set in. I'm anxiously awaiting, yet also dreading, the deposition and the other stuff. The ins. co. can drag this out indefinitely if they so choose and I'll be stuck without any income whatsoever.

Little Dude happened to hear a conversation about the money situation a couple weeks ago and he's gone into freak out mode. I keep forgetting he's taken up casual eavesdropping as a hobby now that he's 11. I thought he was safely ensconced in our room, playing with toys. Nope. I've had to reassure him that things will work out somehow, but I think he senses my own uncertainty. Faith. Just gotta have Faith.

Friends suggested I find myself a sugar daddy. I considered it briefly. Then I laughed. It's not that the idea was a bad one, but it's just not gonna happen. I'd have better luck marketing myself as the Broken Back Hooker in Reno. And that ain't gonna get me more than a few bucks either. Maybe.

On the plus side, there's always the fact that I haven't ever finished unpacking since our move. That would make it much easier to move again if we get evicted. And there's the fact that LD is easily and cheaply amused. Hey, gotta look at things in a positive light, right? Right.

Okay, off to watch TV with my kid. We're having hot dogs and mac and cheese, the perfect white trash repast.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:38 PM | Comments (0)