May 12, 2008
Mikey is Homeward Bound
Mikey's been making such great strides over the last few days that the doctors have said he's going home tomorrow.
Woo hoo!
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:11 PM | Comments (1)
May 09, 2008
About That Dummy
I thought he should be dressed in Coco's finest so we could call him a dumbwaiter.
...
Yeah, that's what everyone else said.
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)
May 08, 2008
Fingers Crossed
In a secret hideaway in an unidentified city, an ominous cabal of photographers gathered and plotted, not altogether unlike the Brain, to take over the world -- one photo at a time.
Okay, so maybe it was brunch at Coco's and we spent most of our time discussing the pros and cons of pbase vs flickr. Whatev. We laughed, we cried, we scared off other customers. Maybe it was the dummy at the head of the table. Or maybe it was the frequent references to fast glass, which apparently some heard as fast "ass".
I had brought with me a list of items I need to feel completely ready for anything thrown my way. On that list was a 70-300mm (or 75-300mm or even the Canon 70-200mm f/2.8L IS -- the f/2.8 being really fast glass) lens. Now, these lenses can run anywhere from $159 to over a grand, depending on which series it's from, whether or not it's a fixed aperture, and a few other things I won't bore you with. One of the very kind gentlemen with the group said he had such a lens he'd be willing to sell me. My friend, the gear expert, said she'd happily take a look at the lens and evaluate its condition, etc. She's picking it up tomorrow and I'll be taking it on a test run this weekend. If I like it, I can have it for about 1/5 of what it'd cost brand new. ONE FIFTH. Uh huh. This is one of those lenses that start at over $1000.
At this same gathering, it was determined that I can do without an external flash for the time being (whew!) since I've become so comfortable with adjusting my popup flash's exposure. I also have a rather inexpensive diffuser I can use if I need, but it hasn't been necessary thus far.
I thought I had a line on a monopod, but that turned out to be a dead end. Le sigh.
Still, I considered how much money I'd be saving by not having to get the flash and I can apply about $100 of that to the lens purchase and the rest toward the monopod.
Thanks to a very kind someone (if I told you who, you'd never believe me -- I'm still in shock), I now have the monopod and a great quick release locking ball head. I also have a new camera case that accommodates larger lenses as well as one smaller one. I figure if I need more than two lenses, I'll just use my clip-on pouch and haul that along. Two other items were purchased: a lens cleaning kit (d'oh! didn't have one) and a remote so I can actually be running around, adjusting a scene, then SNAP! Photo done. It'll also be a blessing when I'm attempting long exposures, which I'm hoping to do quite soon (borrowing a tripod).
You know, I have this small bit of guilt when I'm buying gear. That is, until I realize that this is simply an investment in my future. And again, because of a last minute infusion of funds, I was able to pick up more much sooner than I thought possible.
I'm giddy as a schoolgirl as I contemplate the new lens purchase. My fingers are crossed that the lens is perfect and produces a quality image. We shall see. Fingers. Crossed.
Oh, and more about that dummy later.
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:58 PM | Comments (1)
May 05, 2008
San Diego Happenings
Tonight is a benefit for Candye Kane down at Humphrey's Backstage Lounge. She's been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is without insurance. She's already had her surgery and it went quite well, but there are major bills to be paid and a fairly intense recovery period when she can't be touring and earning a living. Starts at 6:30pm and goes until...
Friday -- all day -- begins the weekend-long grand opening of the new Borders store in National City. There'll be music and book signings and all sorts of prizes handed out. Meet Oliver North and Ingrid Croce and a host of others. I think I might go Friday just to get some free candy and to see Little Dude's eyes pop out of his head as he gets a load of the size of the place. Book stores are like toy stores for the brain, you know?
Saturday and Sunday are our big days around this house. Gator By The Bay! Big time fun with great music and good people. Oh, and there's food, too. LD and I are doing double duty, working with the blues society and Soldiers' Angels. And we have to squeeze in time for photos and music enjoyment. It'll be a long weekend, but I'm packing my pain pills and planning plenty of breaks to save my back.
So now that you know where to find me, are you gonna stalk me? If so, bring presents. Or at least buy me a drink or a nosh.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 04, 2008
Photos From Last Night
Taken in a dark nightclub with a 35-135mm lens, flash at low burst. Joe is a local musician who is genuinely nice and quite interesting. He kindly posed for me.
Same setup as before with flash and lens. Now, if you're wondering why the side by side or why even go with a different version, I love color, but there's a certain something about B&W that makes me happy. Of course, I didn't do the standard B&W conversion here because that would so...normal. I'm anything but.
Both of the B&W images were altered to look as though I'd used a platinum process. I like this version of B&W imaging because it's a bit warmer in tone and because it definitely has a certain "age" appeal. It also brings shadows and light into a whole different level of play. I find it fascinating. To see what a photographer who uses this process for real (as opposed to using editing software to cheaply replicate pretend results), check out Tom Millea.
Not convinced about the difference in the B&W options? I thought as much. Okay, here's what I mean. You pick the one you think has more depth and warmth. Or go with whichever one you like best.
On the left is the platinum process version of the image and on the right is a standard black and white conversion of the same color image.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:17 PM | Comments (2)
Pickles! I Hate Pickles
I'm in more trouble than I thought. Instead of having to dig myself out of the lens hole by Thursday, I was just informed I have until tomorrow afternoon.
Uh...um...guess I better get out there and find some shelves NOW.
Holy &*$@*&!
Well, I knew this was going to be an issue. I just didn't know it was going to be one so soon. And you know what? I deserve this. I was too eager on my purchase (although it was a necessary one and a damn good deal). I have no buyer's remorse. No, this is more like dread at having to explain myself to someone who doesn't believe in me or what I might accomplish with my camera.
You know, I think that's what makes all of this so "dreadful" for me. I know my roommate doesn't believe in what I'm doing or hoping to do. It's disappointing for me. I'm surrounded by a lot of wonderful folks who DO, but he doesn't. It puts a distinct strain on our friendship. If he were a believer, he'd understand and support me. If he were a believer, he wouldn't be resentful of the time I spend with the camera trying to learn, to improve, to achieve. As it is, we don't go many places together anymore. For him, he feels abandoned when I take off to shoot. For me, I feel trapped in having to keep someone company when I think they should be lost in the music. Makes me wonder how this friendship ever survived to begin with. Maybe he thought the camera thing was "cute" at first, but it's become an issue since then.
Wow, that's more thought on the subject than I've given it in a long time.
I don't feel guilty about my lens purchase (and if you want to know exactly what I got and why it was such a good thing, there's a great review of the lens on eBay). Not at all. I know it was the right thing at the right time, but I know it won't be viewed that way by the roomie. I was supposed to get shelves, dammit. That'll be the sticking point. But I was also supposed to have four more days and could have pulled that off if the parameters hadn't changed without warning.
This is my pickle and it's not a particularly tasty one. Not that I like ANY pickles anyway, but you know what I mean. Figuratively, this pickle is sour and floppy and in the middle of a really yummy burger.
Phhttt.
Oh well. I hear the music. I'll have to pay the piper and I'll do it with my head held high.
Now I have to go get something to eat since I conjured up an image of a big juicy hamburger.
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:23 PM | Comments (0)
Busy Busy Buzz Buzz Buzz
Little Dude and I had a very busy week. He's been working on a report about Jackie O. (his favorite first lady at the moment) and being a super duper helper around the house.
Yesterday and Friday were all about errands, which were largely accomplished. I had to pick up four boxes of festival guides from a friend's house and needed LD to be the muscle. He did an excellent job. It was no fault of his that one of the boxes 'sploded in the trunk of the car. I saw that was inevitable when the box barely made it from my friend's front porch to the car. It happens.
After that, we headed over to Ikea. I've been put in charge of finding some bookcases or shelving of some sort. I have some ideas but I need more muscle than one little boy and a bigger vehicle to get the stuff home once the final decision is made.
By the time we got home Friday night, we were both wiped out. It was TV and snuggles, which was just fine with us. Have I mentioned lately how great a kid I have? If not, let me just say: I have the best kid in the world. Sigh. I'm so lucky. He really is a sweet guy and so much fun to be around.
Yesterday was a late start kind of day. LD slept in until about 10am and we didn't get out of the house until after 1pm. We stopped off at my sister's house where my daughter was just getting around to having her breakfast. Apparently the late start thing wasn't confined to just one household. The kids watched TV while I talked lenses with my brother-in-law. I ended up getting a lens from him and it's freakin' amazing. It's just...it is. So much for the shelving budget. But it was a good investment and a really good deal. I got this thing for a quarter of what I'd have paid if I'd bought it brand new. You can't argue with a value like that, although I'm sure the roommate will (and he should...he really should since that money was earmarked for shelves). I figure I have four days to find my way out of this mess and I'll do it. It won't be pretty, but I'll find a way out of this one.
Now, once we got the lens business done, LD and I had to take a run up to the super huge camera emporium to check out a few items I desperately need. I got three of the six and they were all on the inexpensive side. The three, that is. The remaining items are big ticket items and they'll just have to wait.
From the camera store to Toys R Us. LD brought his own money and got himself a Lego set. Indiana Jones. Oy. Until he sees the movie, he's going to be driving me nuts with questions I can't answer since I haven't seen it either. 17 days, 21 hours, and blah blah blah until it opens. Seems like forever to a kid.
Legos in hand, we traipsed on over to Payless Shoes and I picked up two pairs of shoes to go with some "work" clothes that were early birthday gifts. I can now officially look appropriately attired for photo shoots (the sort that require me to be more professional). Two less things on my super long list of business necessities that aren't actually camera-related. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.
Once we finished, it was time to drop my son off at his dad's for a couple days. I came home, took a short nap, and then headed off to shoot a concert/celebrate my birthday a couple weeks early. I'll have those photos edited at some point later today. The show was fantastic and I ran into several people who reinforced my belief that the universe is speaking and I'm actually hearing what's being said. What a wonderful gift -- to be open and ready for opportunities. I'm glad I'm finally in a place where I can see how everything fits together. I have a lot of great friends here for helping me get here and I will always be grateful. Always.
I'm going to be a good little worker bee and get busy with my photo editing so I can prove that your faith in me was not misplaced. I may even take a nap again, but only maybe.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:04 AM | Comments (0)
May 03, 2008
Dazed and Confused
Mrs. Mikey said our favorite patient was being stubborn. Why am I not surprised?
Mikey's had to have a little more sedation because he's not happy when they hook him up for dialysis. Seems he's ripping things out again, things that need to be hooked up. It's that whole medication haze that gets 'em every time. Most patients require a long, gradual weaning from the meds used in deep sedation. And with Mikey, well, he's special. He doesn't like the meds, he doesn't like not having control of himself, he doesn't like not knowing what's happening. That's actually pretty normal, too.
Reports are that when he's awake he knows he was in an accident, but doesn't get how bad it really was. He's also thinking Mini Mikey was with him (she wasn't). All this is part of the battle with the meds and his brain worrying about the family. In a way, it's a really good thing that he's working at coming to grips with reality. He'll get there soon enough.
Once he's properly weaned from meds, he'll be more cooperative and a little less stubborn about his lines and the treatments he's getting. It's nothing that's going to happen overnight and that's just fine. He's alive and getting well and that's just what the doctor ordered.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)
May 02, 2008
Mikey's Truck
Mrs. Mikey snapped these photos yesterday when she went down to look at Mikey's truck. The last photo is the passenger side of the vehicle without its door. There was no door left. And the bed of the truck was obviously thrown completely out of whack. The photo with the airbag doesn't show enough for you to tell that the jaws of life were used to extract Mikey, but even still, it doesn't look pretty.
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:30 PM | Comments (3)
May 01, 2008
Looking Good
We just got back from the hospital and I can happily report that Mikey is looking pretty damn good! (dancing and joyous laughter)
Surgery on his arm was yesterday, natch. Today he was weaned off the vent and has stayed off. They've removed his restraints as well, which is a no brainer when you realize they really only had him in them to keep him from pulling tubes and such.
Mrs. Mikey and Mini Mikey were in good spirits. LD and Mini Mikey "did homework" while the Mrs. and I went in to see Mikey. Thank God for the ride home otherwise I don't think LD's homework would have ever been done. Oh well, kids need diversion and distraction in stressful situations and that's why LD was along for this particular visit.
Anyhow, back to the patient.
Mikey really does look good. There's some faint bruising on his left chest (seatbelt compression), a huge lump on his right arm (no break), bruises on his legs, a massive bandage and cast on the left arm from the surgical repair, and a small, open pressure sore on his right wrist from the restraints (he was writhing so much, it was bound to happen). Oh, and the really good news about the left arm is that they were able to save the graft/fistula for his dialysis! They won't be able to use it until his cast if off, but it was saved. Yay!
Now, he wasn't awake enough yet for conversation. Well, he was earlier for Mrs. Mikey, but not by the time I got there. Still, seeing is believing and I believe he's going to be back to his old self in no time.
The same can't be said for his truck, though. That was scary! I'm hoping Mrs. Mikey's photos make their way into my mailbox soon so I can show you just how bad it was and how lucky we are Mikey lived.
And there you have it. Mikey's making strides!
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:33 PM | Comments (0)
April 30, 2008
Mikey's Post-Op Update
Thank you all again for all of your well wishes!! Your prayers and good juju have been working!!Mike had a really good day today! He had his surgery on his arm and it went great. He also had his head and neck CT today and the preliminary (reading) looks great. The CT results still need to be looked over by a radiologist before the results are official but again they look good. So the plan for tomorrow is to start to wean him off of the ventilator and the sedation meds. Yah!!! They plan to try to get him to start breathing on his own and get back to consciousness; they are hoping he will be able to be awake tomorrow but they plan to let him make the pace. So I am really hopeful he will be home sometime next week! YAHHHHH!!!!
Anyways, thank you all so very much for helping our little family yet again. We truly are blessed to have all of you in our lives!!
I will update you all as soon as I have something new.
Tomorrow, Little Dude and I are heading down to the hospital. We'll help keep Mini Mikey company and help distract her. She's having a rough go of it this time around. Can you blame her? No kid should ever have to see his or her parents in a coma, let alone twice. Forget that this one is medically induced. The fact that Mini Mikey has held up so well until now is a miracle. Same with Mrs. Mikey. She is undoubtedly the strongest woman I know. But this has to be weighing on her. I can't imagine.
Keep up the kind thoughts, the prayers...all of it.
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)
From Mrs. Mikey
First, I would like to say thank you to everyone for all of your support, prayers, and good juju! We couldn’t do this with out your support and love.Mike is still stable yet listed as critical. He was not able to have the surgery on his arm today. They have it scheduled for tomorrow at 2pm. They will also be doing another head CT tomorrow because he is still very disoriented and they are concerned that he may have a head injury. I was informed today that they found he has a fractured sternum; probably caused by the seatbelt, nothing serious though. Mike’s BP is still a major concern; they are having trouble keeping it in a normal range. At this time there is no way of knowing how long he will be there. I was told it could be any where from 1 week to several weeks it all depends on Mikey’s progress.
I didn't go down to the hospital yesterday. Mrs. Mikey had other friends with her and keeping visitors to a minimum is actually more helpful, I think. Less overwhelming. Anyhow, we did talk on her way to the hospital in the morning and she was rather optimistic. When I called later on in the day, her phone had died (all those calls asking about Mikey, no doubt). I wasn't worried. I knew I'd get an update later on.
Sounds like things are moving along. That's good. It's not major progress, but that's fine. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Right.
Keep on praying, folks.
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:07 AM | Comments (1)
April 28, 2008
Things Could Be Worse
Mikey's accident made the news. What drama! His wife and I teased him about this while we stood by his bed and tried to carry on one-sided conversations with him. Or was it a three-way convo with only two active participants? Hard to tell.
Anyway, here's the latest:
His arm is severely broken. They were talking about doing surgery tonight, but it won't happen until tomorrow.
He's heavily sedated because he's super combative otherwise. He's on a vent again, but without the extra tubes and machines that they had for his head last time, it doesn't looks quite so bad. Mikey was a little agitated off and on while Mrs. Mikey and I were in with him. He calmed down quickly though. Seems like anytime housekeeping was causing any sort of noise with trash, he'd get all riled up. And when respiratory came in, he'd get a bit restless.
Blood pressure is looking good for now. The fluid around the heart and in the lungs is, well, they don't know what that's from. It could be there because he had a shorter dialysis session today or from the impact. Nobody knows.
His left shoulder is a bit swollen from the shoulder belt, but isn't too bad.
They'll be doing more films and such tomorrow, I'm sure, checking to see if his back and head still look good. You never know with these things.
While Amy and I were outside talking and waiting to get in to see him, I thought I recognized someone across the parking lot. I walked a bit closer, then a little closer, and finally I realized I had it right -- two local musicians (who've been very good to me and who have brought good luck my way in the past plus they're proudly using one of MY PHOTOS on their site at this very moment) were smack dab in front of me! It was a surreal moment to be sure, but I took this as a very good sign. If Nate and Ben could magically appear in the parking lot of the hospital, Mikey would HAVE to be okay.
Things aren't nearly as bad as they were last time, but Mikey has a long way to go. Say a prayer, think good thoughts, do whatever you have to in order for Mikey to get well.
I'll try to keep everyone updated as best I can.
Oh, and do me a favor and add a prayer for our friend Gracie who is having part one of her sinus surgery in the morning.
Gotta keep everyone healthy from now on, right?
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:38 PM | Comments (3)
Mikey Hospitalized
Mad Mikey was in a horrible car accident today and is currently in the hospital.
He's responsive to pain, which is good, but otherwise not so much. There's swelling around the heart and lungs, and who knows what else.
I'm on my way down right now. I'll have more details when I return.
Say a prayer for our buddy, please.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:43 PM | Comments (1)
April 07, 2008
So It's Like That
I absolutely overdid it last week and have spent the last few days paying for it.
I knew Thursday that I'd done too much and my back was screaming like a mofo the whole night.
Friday was spent in a medicated haze. Even with the meds, I was in terrible pain. It sucked.
Saturday, I made a huge effort to get out to the Soldiers' Angels event I'd volunteered for. Can't let the troops down, right? While I wasn't comfortable, I kept telling myself there were injured troops who were in worse shape and I could tough it out. I managed to get through my scheduled hours and was glad I did. I met some wonderful volunteers and while I was there, we'd sold two First Response backpacks, which include sweats, basic toiletries, a phone card, and many other items. Why is this important? Well, the description of the pack on the SA site tells it best:
When our wounded arrive at these hospitals they often have only what they were wearing in the battlefield and considering they were injured, it usually is not in very good condition. It can take up to a couple of days before they receive replacement supplies and it is often weeks before their belongings catch up to them. The military does all it can to provide for our wounded heroes and more than meets his or hers basic needs. These backpacks, however, ensure that our wounded soldiers have a little love from home to comfort them until their family can reach them and/or they return to the states. A wounded soldier certainly can wear a hospital gown for the first 24 hours before his replacement clothing is issued, but having a quick change of clothing is priceless.
The kindness of two San Diegans means two more of our wounded have a little something extra to help them through their first days in hospital.
We also had folks signing Blankets of Hope and get well/thank you cards to be handed out by the chaplain teams.
The event buoyed my spirits, even though I didn't feel so hot. The best part though, was knowing the day was a success for Soldiers' Angels. Yay!
The rest of my Saturday was spent resting, praying I'd feel better. Sunday was spent heavily medicated again. I wanted to wake up today feeling great, but that didn't happen. And so that meant I had to make a phone call to San Diego Momma to let her know I'd be missing out on the super fun evening with the other San Diego blogging moms. There was even going to be a special appearance from a traveling blog mom. Feh.
So here I sit, bummed that I'm missing out on meeting all these amazing ladies who are gathered together to welcome the traveling one. I can only hope they each have an extra drink to make up for the ones I'm not consuming.
Sigh.
Oh well, there'll be other get togethers, but Bossy won't be there. Maybe I'll just have to stalk her through her blog. It'll be easy cuz she takes some gorgeous photos and you know how I love photos.
Ladies, I'm there in spirit. Physically, I'm here, at home on the sofa, watching crap TV until Little People, Big World and Jon & Kate Plus 8 come on. Small consolation. I'd rather be laughing and having fun with the gals.
I couldn't even check email since Thursday night. 
That's pretty rare for me, but it does happen. But, early this morning, I was so pleased to find an email from Little Dude's teacher filling us in on the flight from San Diego to the east coast, the kids' experiences on their first day in Virginia, and the exhaustion everyone's feeling. Plus there were photos. Including one of LD with his camera...I can't wait to see what he took. I can't wait until he gets home. I miss my baby already.
Posted by Da Goddess at 06:15 PM | Comments (5)
April 02, 2008
Some Days Are Diamonds, Some Days Are Dirt
Despite the fact I didn't carry the first bagful of clothes to the laundry room, I found myself having to haul a second, smaller bag over. I also made three trips to the apartment so as not to anger my already aching back. So why is it that I couldn't get comfortable after, or sleep without meds?
Today, I'm hunched over and looking like I spent the last week on my knees scrubbing floors with a toothbrush. Maybe it was a combination of that and my long, but leisurely walk on Monday. (I had a meeting and was without a car. It was a good walk, but I felt it deeply the whole way. Oh, and the meeting went very well.)
I had to bow out of picking Little Dude up from school so I could stay medicated and get myself feeling better for his big day tomorrow.
"Another big day for LD?" you ask. Why, yes. Tomorrow night, two of the 5th grade classes are performing in a fantastic play, complete with singing and dancing. They've been rehearsing for a few months. It's about music from every decade of the last century.
But, there's more. Earlier in the day, they'll have the family of a fallen Marine in class. They have a special surprise for the family and the local news crews will be there as well. We'll have a long day ahead of us. Given a choice, I'd rather miss today and be there tomorrow.
With permission from the family, I will share more details about their son and I'll post pictures. Until then, I'm doped to the gills and resting. Plus, all the laundry's done and I'm reading a very cool book written by a fellow blogger who comments here frequently.
Speaking of other bloggers, the Gardenwife has a special favor to ask and it only requires a moment of your time to vote for Sarahbou & Caribou.
Update: I was so dopey earlier, I was throwing question marks around like they belonged in statements and other random spots. Why aren't you folks proofing my posts?
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:51 PM | Comments (6)
April 01, 2008
There's No Fool Like A Fool In Love
Four years ago, it happened. It was the most unexpected and beautiful thing ever.
Three years ago, I wrote this:
Today I lit a candle for you. It was the same one you lit for me exactly a year ago today.I remember waiting in the airport, leaning against the column, thinking of our first kiss - the kiss I had yet to experience. I looked up in time to see you walking toward me, your hair slightly mussed, eyes looking a little sleepy. You stopped in front of me. You were smiling. You reached out and wrapped your arms around me, pulling me to you. I had to tilt my head back because you're so tall. Remember me telling you how much I like tall?
You looked into my eyes and then we kissed. It was a wet kiss, not unpleasantly wet, just wet. I melted. I'd waited so long, not realizing I'd been waiting.
That's the funny thing about you. I'd waited all my life to meet you and never even knew it until the moment we finally did.
So many things ended and began one year ago. The course of our lives changed, for ill or for good. Some may consider it all one big April Fools Day joke, but it isn't. It never has been.
We've danced our dances and cried our tears. We've laughed 'til our sides ached and we've exchanged angry words. We've kissed and made up. We've said hellos and goodbyes. How many times? Does it even matter? All I know is that I cherish the time spent with you, be it face-to-face, over the phone, or however we've had to make contact. I wouldn't trade this last year for anything.
Today I lit a candle for you. It was the same candle that you lit for me exactly one year ago today.
I lit the same candle today. And there was a brief phone conversation that made my heart sing and ache all at once.
My feet shall run because of you My feet, dance because of you My heart shall beat because of you My eyes, see because of you My mind, thinks because of you And I shall love because of you ~ unknown
Love is good. Even when a romantic relationship ends, love lives on.
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:16 AM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2008
Vote For Me
I'm not asking for much, just a quick vote. You can do that for me, right? Good. Well, here I am.
I chose the "Fresh" category for this one because it was a "fresh" point of view. Definitely different from the fruit and brightly colored girls in most of the photos I'd seen on JPG thus far. Who says fresh needs to be all bright and sunny anyway?
If you vote for me, I promise to leave you alone for at least a day. Honest. I would not lie to you about this. Not even a little.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:33 AM | Comments (2)
March 25, 2008
Springtime Field Trip
Obviously most of these are self-explanatory, but I'll give you a quick run through anyway.
Many more photos from the trip are on Flickr, including the dead mouse I found on the side of the road. I almost stepped on it, but at the last minute looked down to see it. I'd already walked past it twice. Go figure. The first part of the trip, I'd resolved to shoot whatever I saw only once. Ha! Didn't last for long. What I did do, though, was shoot minimally. At least until I got into the desert. In the harsher light, I played with exposure settings (thanks to Audra and Patty's help) and made adjustments as necessary. If not for these two ladies, I don't think I'd have discovered the quickest way to adjust what I needed. They've made me much braver with the camera and I'm progressing faster than I anticipated.
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:11 AM | Comments (2)
March 24, 2008
Easter, Greetings, and the Whole Kit 'n' Caboodle
What a week that was! Highs, lows, and in-betweens abounded. All worth it, though. From doctors' appointments to the desert and lots of stops in between, it's been an adventure.
I look like a raccoon. I'm covered in bug bites. The really itchy sort. And about 900+ photos. Yeah, I was busy with the camera this week. Got good stuff, got some clunkers, and have lots of editing.
Spent yesterday with the family. Went to my sister and brother-in-law's for supper and had a wonderful time. My folks, my daughter's best friend and her grandparents, my sister's best friend, and Little Dude were there.
My sister had a great meal all prepared. Ham, scalloped potatoes, sweet potatoes, lots of crudites, the works. Cheesecake and brownies. And Easter baskets. More than a few peeps were beheaded, let me tell you.
Brother-in-law noticed the camera and actually was very kind and helpful with it. Can you say "wow!" with me? Much nicer reaction than expected. In the past, he's not been so keen on the idea of me out shooting and possibly making money with it. But yesterday? Different attitude. Probably because there was a glint of recognition that I'm not going after his "market". Regardless, it was nice to have his input and the positive feedback.
Took the kids out to photograph them in various combinations and got shots of them with my folks, too. Haven't done that in a while.
After we finished eating, Little Dude and I had been invited to a friend of some friends' house. There was a band jamming, kids running around (little boys for LD to play with; he was thrilled), dogs, a cat, pigs. I had a nice long laugh when my friend introduced me to the singer, "she's our photographer." His eyes were fixed on my cleavage, his arm snaked around my shoulders, and in a silky smooth voice, he asked, "Have I seen any of your work?" He looked up briefly and then back down, "great boobs!" Now that's what I call a greeting! A girl needs validation like that every now and again. Especially after feeling like a Sasquatch much of the week.
Met many new people and discovered the hostess of the party is also a low back injury gal. And loves photography. The universe speaks again.
Backing up to Saturday, spent the day at the harp fest. Shot so many talented artists, I lost count. Had two very amazing conversations. One was with a harmonica legend. What a gracious man! Then there was a gentleman whose music you've all heard, whether you know it or not. Chances are if you've ever watched TV, especially Nick @ Nite, you've heard him. He was also gracious and more than a little flirty. You can't beat that! Was given a nice stack of CDs to listen to, some to send to the troops, and experienced eight hours of kick ass music. Little Dude was supposed to come with me, but his uncle (on his dad's side) wanted to take him hiking so I said he should go for it. He was a little mad to be missing out on a day of music, but he doesn't see his uncle that often and I thought it was important. This is how I got LD for Easter. I missed having him with me for the fest, but I know he had a great time hiking and we still got to share music yesterday. It worked out just fine in the end.
Earlier in the week, I shot a duo at a dark, little venue. Got to play around with my flash settings and became rather brave about it. One of my new photographer friends was shooting with me and she makes me brave. Her encouragement has done a lot for my confidence and willingness to try shooting more in situations that normally make me quite nervous. Found a new artist that night, which was a wonderful little bonus.
Even earlier in the week, I went with the friend mentioned above and another photographer to the desert for a shoot. I think that was the day that really pushed me, both physically and photographically. The physical side -- let's just say I did a lot of walking and it was a good thing. While the ladies went out further on a trail, I wisely decided I'd reached my limit and remained behind. Regrettably, I missed that part of the shoot, but I was able to find other things to photograph and felt good about the amount of walking/hiking I did. It was more than I thought I was capable of doing, probably more than I should have done, but it felt good while I was doing it and that was a major accomplishment in my book. Photographically, my other friend had shown me how to adjust the most important setting on the camera and once I had that, I was a happy camper.
In a short period of time, I've come to embrace the huge learning curve on the camera, learned a million things, and have found a confidence with it that I thought would take much longer. I don't feel like such a fumble-fingers anymore. Yes, there are more features to Charlie that I will eventually get to understand, but I really feel like I have a good handle on things and am happy. Tired, sore, itchy, and happy.
And now I have to go finish two articles and a calendar.
Photos will be posted at some point this week.
Posted by Da Goddess at 06:10 AM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2008
Happy Peepster
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:56 AM | Comments (3)
March 17, 2008
Re:Miss
I've been remiss. I should have blogged this weekend but I was too busy recovering from Friday night. I had a blues society event that lasted way longer than anyone had planned.
I got there at about 8pm and didn't walk back in the house until after 2am. I was beat. Saturday, I was sore. I anticipated that from doing so much standing. What I didn't anticipate was how awful I felt yesterday.
Much of my Sunday was spent sleeping or lounging around, trying to pretend I didn't hurt as much as I did. That's pretty typical of what happens when I'm too active anymore. I know this and try to plan around it.
Still, I was bummed that I didn't get to do some of the other things I wanted to over the weekend, but it was worth it. I think I secured another interview with a bluesman for Little Dude. It's an artist he likes and wanted to see, but couldn't since he's so young. If all the groveling I did pays off, he'll have another interview under his belt and he'll be a happy boy.
By the way, in case you missed it, there's a big Soldiers' Angels logo atop my sidebar for a reason. I'm officially a volunteer. Let me just say this: you don't have to wait for a fundraiser to get involved with SA. Go adopt a troop, send a care package, send a letter, donate a couple bucks, ANYTHING...do it now. Your whole week will be so much better if you do.
Posted by Da Goddess at 06:14 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2008
Angering the BTs
I think the MRI pissed off the old BTs yesterday. They've been screaming and fighting for control of my body ever since. In fact, THEY are responsible for my foul mood and any outward displays of surliness.
This would be such a great excuse if I believed in body thetans, wouldn't it?
Scientology absolves one of all personal responsibility blame. I totally understand why some celebs love it so much.
I'm not being religiously intolerant. Not in the least. I don't consider scientology anything more than a very successful marketing ploy, now with more brainwashing!
If I had fewer body aches and nothing more important to do, I might actually have fun joining Anonymous on Saturday. Not that I don't consider this important, but I have other things I MUST do if I'm up and walking. Still, the idea of capturing all activity (check out the pics from San Diego in Feb.) is tempting...
I'm all for religious freedom, but Co$ ain't it. I won't try to speak for all the harm done by those in power at Co$, I leave that to one of my very capable friends. The thing is, this organization is nothing more than a sham, created by a man who wrote sci-fi books and saw the chance to make some serious money. He made plenty. Then he died. But his scams live on. And the crazy mob mentality amongst the leaders has led to some horrifying consequences for too many people. Lives ruined, lives lost. All for what? Money? Power?
It's not just gullible adults seeking belonging who are drawn to this idiocy. Their children are dragged along for the ride. Some escape, some don't.
It's one thing to have FAITH, it's another thing to have to pay for it, to have it ruin lives, to kill.
What started off as a silly throwaway post has morphed into something else. Take away what you will from it. Learn the truth and don't take any wooden nickels.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:44 AM | Comments (1)
March 10, 2008
Babalu To The Rescue
When I blogged about my frustration with the "education" my daughter was receiving regarding Che, Cuba, and "blame America" at school, I also sent out an email to the always wonderful Val. Who else would I possibly ask for some facts to counter the fiction Mojo's been fed?
Well, he and his friends over at Babalu Blog are helping me assemble some good references to share with my daughter to further her education. She should know about the real Che and they explain what Cuba is truly like for the people who live there.
Gracias, mi amigo. Usted es un caballero verdadero.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:08 AM | Comments (2)
February 19, 2008
The Camera, She Is Almost Ready
Thanks to so many generous people, I'm very close to my goal for the camera and the opportunities it will afford me.
My benefactor(s) are currently out of the country for another month, so figured I'd try to get the camera before they return and if they're still looking to help out, use that money for a good lens or two.
I think about the camera and how close I am to my goal and all I can think of is Antonio Banderas whispering in my ear, "the camera, she is almost ready. Ready for you to hold her like a loveeeeeeeer. Treat her like a lady and she will treat you like one, too."
I have no idea where that came from, but there you have it. Think maybe it was the Flexeril? Anyhow...
If you know anyone who might be willing to help out, please send them here! I could actually be out shooting a real, paying job next weekend if I get the last little bit needed.
Many ginormous thanks to each of you who contributed. It feels so very good to know people believe in me. I won't let you down!
Posted by Da Goddess at 12:30 PM | Comments (0)
February 06, 2008
Bounce!
It's officially Windsday and Tigger showed up on my doorstep.
Hmmm...
Thank you, Larry!
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:01 PM | Comments (3)
January 29, 2008
Cameras, Photos, and Deals, Oh My!
Some extremely nice person wrote to ask me about the photo shoot I just did. While I'm pleased with most of the images, I see where I'm lacking and what I have to reshoot. I was having issues with my camera early on and I was so uncomfortable because I felt extremely unprofessional. No backup camera. Nothing. All I had was a quick fix plan that I prayed would work. It did. But I was still left feeling like I had failed to complete my assignment properly.
When I look at the photos (see link above), I have a few favorites. I'm also picking apart everything that's wrong with them. I can usually critique my own work fairly well, although I tend to pick things apart more than most people would.
So what do I see? Imperfect color balance. Sure, I can do some post-production work on them, but it's not true to life color that I would like. I see digital noise and loss of sharpness due to 1) my camera's limits and 2) aging equipment. It happens with fixed-lens cameras. There's no way to properly clean sensors or between glass. It just can't be done unless you have someone take the whole thing apart (which costs as much as a replacement cam).
I also see a limited field. I can't just pop on a wide-angle lens and compensate for close quarters.
Even with all those criticisms, I am proud of some of the portraits. If you knew this band, and their energy, the little bit of playfulness in a few shots makes perfect sense. I'm proud that I managed to get any of that when I think of how I had to stop shooting to fix my fussy camera. I mean, I lost some of the momentum with the band. I lost the immediacy. They started wandering off. It's not how I operate. Had my camera functioned properly, I would have kept shooting and the guys would have stayed focused and loose. Do those two terms even belong in the same sentence? Well, yes. It's a precious thing that happens when you're on a roll.
Immediate solution to immediate problem: retake the headshots. Maybe borrow a better camera for the group shot.
Longterm solution: get new gear.
I mentioned briefly a while back that I'd had an offer to help me get a new camera. There are stipulations and the like, but it's a viable plan. But only if I have help.
So here's what was offered to me.
I have to raise money -- through donations. All funds raised can only be put toward new gear. I can't pay rent or bills with that money. The whole idea being that a good camera will allow me to earn money to pay for the necessities. All funds raised will be matched, dollar for dollar, by people who believe in my photography. I also have to come up with a print portfolio (which I've started) to show potential clients. I'm responsible for developing my own clients (and I've already had, thanks to this last job, referrals to other bands and to a community events planning board). If I raise more money (coupled with the matching funds) than I need to buy the camera I want, I must use those funds to invest in lenses and other essentials.
Which cameras am I looking at? The Canon Rebel XTi and the Nikon D40x. Both are approximately 10MP and come with a 2GB card and 18-55mm lenses. One offers a bonus 55-200mm lens. If I go through Costco, I'm looking to spend between $650-800 on the camera itself. In store, the price is comparable. I will eventually need to look into more lenses and lighting, but I can likely borrow until then. I'm also looking at other vendors, but few can match the bulk rate discount Costco does. I could drop to 6 or 8MP and spend less, but photography trends dictate the need for better resolution NOW. (I just missed another magazine opportunity because of my puny 3.2MP situation.) I'm approaching this as an investment in my future ability to earn a living outside of nursing. I'm not looking to remain a hobby photographer. And I'm not looking to invest way out of my range because I'm realistic. I know I can work with either camera and produce quality results. If I can manage to do good work with crap, imagine what I can do with better gear! I also want to keep costs down to be able to raise the money needed in a shorter time frame.
I'm serious as hell about making this happen. I don't have a husband to help me out of my current situation. Nor do I have a house against which I could take a loan. I'm not asking for reasons of vanity or entitlement. I want to make life work for me instead of working against me (or feeling as such). I can't wait for my work comp case to settle. I can't wait to win the lottery (I don't even play). I have to make it happen and this is my chance.
As I've mentioned to a few people, asking for help is very hard for me to do. However, I feel some opportunities are worth taking the risk. This is worth the risk.
It's a doable plan, but only if I get those donations. Do you believe in my eye? Do you like what you see? Brother (sister), can you spare a dime?
Update: I've adjusted my goal a bit after being yelled at for not considering sales tax and shipping (I've found I can get a better price on a camera and two lenses by going through a company my friend uses). For once, I'm heeding advice from those who know and those who are interested in me getting the best deal possible. They speak, I listen.
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:08 AM | Comments (6)
January 18, 2008
Harpy Boy
Some guys are harpier than others, don't ya think?
Another local musician with oodles of talent. Makes ya wonder what's in the water when you consider how many great musicians we have here. Sadly, the water hasn't worked any wonders for me.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:16 AM | Comments (2)
Not Scott
One of our local guitarists, who happens to be incredibly talented, looks a lot like Scott Baio. This means I can't stand anywhere near him for long because someone will inevitably comment, "Oh, it's true! Joanie really does loves Chachi." Yes, they're adults, but the temptation is apparently too great for them to pass up.
Anyhow, here's a photo from my archives.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:06 AM | Comments (0)
December 28, 2007
Lunch Was A Smash
Had lunch yesterday with our favorite Blogger-in-Exile. Yes, he managed to escape the Blogger Protection Program long enough for a nosh, much to Little Dude's delight.
The blogger in question is still quite among the living and doing very well. He says "hi!"
Among those who gathered for this occasion, Mikey. We'd hoped Sean would be able to join us, but he was at work and couldn't get away. Oh well, we'll get him when he returns from his jaunt out to Arizona to see his son.
After our all-too-short time together -- he (the BIQ) had family to see -- LD and I made a loop through the parking lot to take a photo of the Ikea car and then hit Price Club (it's still not Costco to us) to pick up juice, beef jerky (a staple in our house), water filters, and a little gratuitous drooling over the camera I so desperately covet. (Ooooh! I did get an offer this Christmas for help on the camera! Get this, if I can raise the money for HALF of the cost, it will be matched. Watch this site for details.)
Once we'd completed our errands following lunch, we headed back home to dig into our holiday gifts. One of LD's favorites was the Erector set. He assembled the entire buggy on his own. He played with it all evening and would have likely taken it to bed if only I'd let him. (After I get my case settled, I'm buying him one of the "designer" sets. Maybe two.) He also got a Star Wars Lego set he'd wanted for oh so long. And a Star Wars DVD. And an action figure. And a Nerf 
dart tag thing. And and and. Thank God for family! They really chose great things for him, exactly what he wanted. I got him a couple small toys (all under $5) and clothes. Plus, I'd won some CDs in a trivia contest that fell within his wonderful range of interest. Yay! The big surprise for him, thanks to a kind benefactor (you know who you are), was Space Shuttle memorabilia. Oh my God! The look on his face! I'm hoping my brother-in-law got a good shot of it. The kid was practically beside himself.
Back to the building of things aspect of my progeny, I think he and Mikey'd have a blast sitting down with some models. While Mikey thinks it may be a "stupid" hobby, I don't think so. There's something to be said about creating or recreating a piece of history. Along with the physical act of "doing", most people engaging in model building actually like the history behind whatever they might be working on. For a parent, seeing your kid embracing the past in this way, what more could you want? As an adult, you have greater appreciation for the overall impact of the item (you're building) had on shaping the world in which we live. It's a win-win. Mikey, don't ever call it stupid again or I'll kick your sorry ass!
Today LD's off visiting with his dad's family at their annual holiday party, which means I got online to pay bills, grabbed something quick to eat, and then curled up on the sofa and went back to sleep once he left.
Christmas was wonderfully quiet and happy this year (except for the happy sound of kids playing), but it was still exhausting. Family and friends...y'all just rock!
P.S. I've achieved nothing impossible today and very little that is possible. It's Friday. I'm tired. Carry on!
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:55 PM | Comments (8)
December 23, 2007
Happy Holidays!
For all of you, here's my favorite Christmas song by one of the few people to do it justice.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:08 PM | Comments (1)
December 18, 2007
Dustman Down
Sean Dustman, our favorite Doc in the Box, is currently in the hospital. He was coughing up significant amounts of blood and generally not feeling so well.
He's been poked, prodded, scanned, scoped, and auscultated nine ways to Sunday and is currently resting comfortably, thanks to some morphine. He sounds in great spirits, despite watching quality programming like America's Most Smartest Model. Morphine can make anything seem interesting. Anyhow, I told him AMSM was good for a laugh or two (yes, I will admit to watching the last have of the series) but he should really watch The Shot, which is total photo geek fun. He'll like that.
Go on over to his site and wish him well, okay?
Update - December 19: Back in San Diego, Sean's sounding much better and getting ready for the holidays.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:09 PM | Comments (3)
November 09, 2007
Have You Hugged A Vet Today?
Well, have you? If you can't physically embrace a veteran at the moment, reach out with an email or a phone call and let them know you care.
I know of a local family who was celebrating the return of their loved one from Iraq this weekend. Driving out to school to pick up Little Dude, I spied a technicolor sign attached to a street sign. It said, "Welcome Back From Iraq! We Missed You!" Indeed, welcome back.
Little Dude and I are sitting here watching a Band Of Bloggers, which features our own Doc in the Box, Sean. It's been a real eye opener for LD to hear the actual stories from someone he knows. Yeah, he's heard some before, but this has been much more vivid because he's seeing Sean -- and all our military friends -- in a different light because of the similarity in the stories he's hearing all gathered in one place.
Recently, LD had his great aunt and uncle visit his class at school. Both are retired Marines. It was a rare opportunity for most of the kids to hear about the WACS and the WAVES, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and the life of a drill instructor. Real people, real history. How many of us ever really get a chance like that?
Like so many of our friends, our lives have been deeply touched by those who serve, have served, and their families. Thankfully, we know more veterans who are still alive and that's something we don't ever take for granted. None of us should. Too many families can't say that. And yet, they maintain their pride in the service of their beloved and for their own sacrifices. Yes, the families give much while their loved ones are often far from home. It's not easy and we should never forget this.
Thank a vet today. Tomorrow. The day after that. Do it every day. They deserve at least that much from us, don't you think?
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:00 PM | Comments (3)
October 25, 2007
Pleasant Surprise
Thank you, Laughing Wolf, for the phone call to check up on me and mine and for catching me up on all your recent travels and experiences.
And thanks to all you other bloggers and readers for stopping by here to check in on me. Hugs all around!
One of the many problems that comes with having one's head stuck up her ass is that I've missed out on what's happening with everyone else. It's not been just the fires. No, I've been wrapped up in my own little world for a while now. It took the fires and the phone call for me to realize I need to pull my head out and start interacting with people again. Somehow, spending my days wishing and waiting for the lovely Curtis Stone to pick me up in a local grocery store just doesn't seem like a good enough reason to have disappeared.
My apologies to all of you who have done more than their fair share of trying to rouse me out of my stupor. I suck and I know it.
Maybe once I don't have to share a computer anymore I'll get better at blogging regularly. (Just don't ask me to promise.)
Laughing Wolf...welcome home and thank you for making such an extraordinary trip.
Posted by Da Goddess at 05:14 PM | Comments (3)
February 05, 2007
Rob's Music - "Justice Laid Me Low"
The second song of the set I promised you.
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:29 PM | Comments (3)
January 22, 2007
Rob's Music - "The Dutchman"
Here's the first of two songs sent to me by Rob's friend.
This one is called "The Dutchman" and it beautifully highlights Rob and his brother's musical talents.
Enjoy! Please do not hotlink the music.
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:24 PM | Comments (1)
December 25, 2006
A Holiday Song
From Rob's friend, here's a little ditty for you to enjoy.
Posted by Da Goddess at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)
Merry Christmas To All
I wish I had the time and the energy to email or call each and every one of you, dear readers. I wish I had my Christmas cards weeks ago when I had first started addressing them. I wish there were more hours in the day, more days in the week(end), and an abundance of energy to accomplish all my lofty holiday aspirations. But reality dictates these goals not be met and I'm okay with that. Why? Because, for all my wishes listed above, the most important wish -- the one to which I've focused all my wishing powers -- is for all of you and yours to have the happiest of celebrations this Christmas.
May your day be filled with laughter and love and hope. Lots and lots of hope. With hope, anything is possible.
Merry Christmas, happy belated Chanukah (or whichever spelling you prefer), and/or happy/merry anything else you wish to celebrate.
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:28 AM | Comments (2)
November 16, 2006
Love Advice from Grandma
Damn Jake La Botz. He just had to go and conjure up memories I'd fought to suppress.
I don't talk about Rob much. Or rather, I don't write about him here. Especially here. His death still sits heavy on my heart and mind, but I don't talk about him much. What I feel and what I remember are far too personal to share with the world. Except, sometimes...
So this thing with Jake La Botz...how exactly does it tie in with Rob? I was listening to this song and, like many of Jake's pieces, there was this rawness and abruptness, humor amongst the tenderness, irony in his observations. In most of Rob's stories, you could find all of this, and more. And damn if this guy didn't make me cry as I recalled some of the stories I was told.
But the crying isn't as awful as it used to be. It hurts to think of my friend being gone, but there's more of a peace to it now than there was before. When I think of Rob, whether during a conversation with friends or just stumbling across something that triggers a memory, I ache over the demons that haunted him and the loneliness of his final moments. Almost within the same breath, I smile with the thought of how he delighted in storytelling, entertaining, and his marvelous sense of humor. The mixture of these emotions and memories are as confusing as they are comforting. Comforting? Yeah. There's comfort in knowing my life was touched by such an extraordinary man.
And all of this came to a head a few weeks ago. I was talking with one of my guitar-slingin' friends, a man accomplished in the blues and many other musical genres. He's southern, of course. And there was something in his voice, something in the way he turned a phrase, something in the direction our conversation went...but we ended up talking about Rob and the legacy men and woman with his curious brand of "being" leave us when they go. Couple weeks after, this friend and I were talking again via long distance wirelessness, and this time he brought up our previous conversation. He wanted to know more about Rob and I told him. I gave him the link to Gut Rumbles. What better way to get to know him than to read his words, right? Well, we all know Rob, while ever-present in word, was much more than mere words on some blog. He was light pink and deep purple laughter, red raw anger; he was the bright yellow of the sunniest days, sometimes in song and sometimes in story, and sometimes just in being. Rob was occasionally green in fresh expression, blue in humor, and even gray and black darkness from time to time. And all that made for more than a colorful character some of us got to know. Most importantly, Rob was a human being who brought so many things to our lives in many ways. When I'm all raw-nerved and sad, it hurts like hell to think of never hearing his voice live again. Then, I stop and think of how lucky I was to have him in my life, to see he laugh and play with his son, to fall victim to his jokes, and to have felt the warmth of his hand on mine for even a second.
So, without further ado, here's the lyrics to the song that got me started down this road of self-indulgent burst of mourning. I let you figure out for yourselves how this fits.
I went on down to the old folks home, cause folks was saying Grandma didn’t have long. And I was hoping she would just hold on so I could tell her, “I love you.”When I got there she didn’t seem surprised but there was a funny look in my Grandma’s eyes, staring off into space. Maybe some other place where other Things are known. I cried and said what I came to say, then I wanted to run away. I smelled death on her breath and was a little afraid, but I kissed her, on the lips, anyway. And I thought she might already be dead til she looked at me and she said…
She said:
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE, BOY?”Well I know it’s a many splendored thing. And most folks catch it in the spring. And… aint it what made the birdies sing, Grandma?
At this point she interrupted me…mumbled something about misery, and love blowing hard like the wind outside, chapping your lips and chapping your hide. She said,
“Lovers are quick to try and grip it. Some turn around and spit back in it. It holds you but your never gonna hold it. It can’t be shaped and it’ll never be molded. I used to sing praise unto it, but my hopefulness, well, it came un-glued. When the sun sank behind it, it didn’t give a damn that I wined and dined it. All I can tell you boy…let it blow…blow…let it blow…let it blow.”Well I do appreciate your advice, but I found something that’s pretty nice. I just fell in love with a really good girl. I know it’s going to be o.k.
She said:
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE, BOY?”
She said, “If you really think you love the girl…help her take out the trash…”
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:44 PM | Comments (3)
October 21, 2006
The Dustman Returneth!
Welcome home, Doc!
Posted by Da Goddess at 09:21 PM | Comments (1)
July 23, 2006
Long Distance Calls and Other Stuff
Doc in the Box called the other day. I was rather surprised to hear from him since he's in Iraq and all, but once I figured out who it was (the number was different), I was quite excited.
Sean's doing well and rarely gets to check blogs. Only three months left. Yay! I'm sure his wife is happier about this than the rest of us are, but we friends are still pretty damn happy.
Other news? It's hot in San Diego. Super duper hot. So much so, we've resorted to air conditioning. In the two and a half years I've lived in this place, I've only had the AC on once before. An out of town guest was staying with me and even he thought it was pretty freakin' hot at the time.
The AC was on today but only worked for a short time before the circuit went. It's back on now, thankfully. Sure, it's heading into the evening, but at least I can cool down for a bit before I turn it off. Maybe I'll sleep a little better.
What else? I got to meet FBL! Yes, yes, yes! She of the fantastic Project Valour-IT fundraising abilities. She is as sweet and lovely as one imagines and I'm very glad we had the chance to get together. Mrs. Smash, Gracie, Mikey, Mikey's youngster, Little Dude, FBL and I got together for a nice lunch at Souplantation. All you can eat in sumptuous air conditioned comfort. We dined, we chatted, we laughed, and then we passed around the phone to talk with Smash. (Like Doc in the Box, he'll be home in a few months, too.) And, dagnabbit, that $16 and coin for LD and I to eat in comfort for a change was more than worth it. We don't eat out often, but when we do, it's a great treat for us. The $20 I just spent on a haircut? Also a treat and also worth it. (My hair was getting too long and too hot.)
Best part of it all, FBL will be able to join our crazy group in some of our many activities. Plus, we get to join her in some of the Soldiers' Angels activities. All good things. Very good things.
That's about it for an update. I'm off to read more of Kevin Smith's blog.
Oh, and just in case anyone cares, I think the entire purpose of the TV show Lost is to take a huge, meaty-pawed swipe at Scientology. Yep. That's my theory. And if you look at all the Dharma Initiative stuff, the odd things happening, the creepy appearance of William Mapother, and the fact J.J. Abrams left Scientology, it all seems possible.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:37 PM | Comments (7)
July 02, 2006
Unmasking
"Even without your masks, you're all caricatures." - Jason Foster
In keeping with tradition, the Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel remained on my TV all day. This was a great break from all the normal crap one finds on TV on a Sunday afternoon and evening (excepting Entourage and Lucky Louie), and it also served as a tribute to a friend.
One episode in particular stood out amongst all others -- "The Masks". It struck me as more than a little apropos, given the circumstances of the last week. A dying man invites his family to gather at his home during Mardi Gras. He asks each to don a mask, one which is the antithesis of how they view themselves. Of course, the masks represent the worst of who they really are and Jason Foster makes good use of the props to expose his offspring's true nature.
Sometimes, death, or impending death, brings out the best in people and sometimes it brings out the worst. I think we've all seen our share of both.
Emily: [referring to the Mardis Gras masks he has presented them with] ... Father, you don't mean we have to WEAR these ugly things...?
Jason Foster: Only for a few hours, my dear. Only until the unmasking at midnight.
Paula: Well, I won't wear mine.
Wilfred Jr.: Me neither. It's stupid.
Wilfred: Well, Father... It seems we're somewhat at odds here.
Jason Foster: Not really, Wilfred. You all came here for one purpose, and one purpose only: to watch me go and cry "Bon Voyage!" To put coins on my closed eyes, and with your free hands start grabbing things from my shelves!
Emily: Father, that's cruel!
Jason Foster: That's TRUTH! You came like the IRS: to reap everything I've sown, to collect everything I've earned, to claim everything I've built! Well, I shall not disappoint you. Everything is yours! The will is prepared and the four of you inherit everything I own -- money, house, property holdings, stocks, bonds, everything.
Wilfred: Father, you're breaking our hearts!
Jason Foster: Well, that's the most touching thing you ever dredged up by way of conversation, Wilfred... But I must include this addenda, this small proviso: You shall wear your masks, as directed, not taking them off until midnight. Should even ONE of you commit the SLIGHTEST DEVIATION from this proviso, from my estate, you shall each receive train fare back to Boston. And that's IT!
Wilfred: ...Well, we won't be spoil-sports! If this is your pleasure, Father, we'll indulge you!
Like Jason Foster, Rob always managed to get people to show who they really were in the end.
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:56 PM | Comments (6)
June 29, 2006
Poolside Vision
My pain clinic regimen includes pool therapy, which I absolutely love! Today was no different. I started off my PC day at the pool, as I do 2 out of 3 days each week.
Since I had a bit of a gap between pool therapy and the next session over at the rehab facility, I opted to stay in the water a bit longer. I watched the kids who were busy with swim lessons and enjoyed their youthful enthusiasm as they splashed about. Sometimes it's little details such as those that help me through the worst of my bad days.
At one point, I dunked under the water and gave thought to the group I knew would soon be gathering in Georgia for Rob's service. As I came up out of the water, I looked up and saw a man walking toward a bench with a youngster. My heart stopped. My jaw dropped. Save for the slightly darker hair, the man looked exactly like Rob!
I got my heart beating again, took a breath, rubbed my eyes, and looked again, sure I was seeing things. Nope. The man still looked like Rob.
As the children laughed and splashed in the background, I saw this man talking with his son, who appeared to be listening to his father intently. It was in this moment that I felt the presence of my friend and was instantly comforted. The sounds of the children playing added to the experience as I thought of how much Rob loved kids, loved entertaining them, hearing them laugh, and how much kids absolutely loved him.
I may not have been at his service, I may not have been able to talk with him "one last time", but I did find peace in the appearance of his dopplegänger.
Wherever Rob is now, I'm certain he's surrounded by all the things that made him happy.
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:17 PM | Comments (0)
Shipping Out
Smash is shipping out on Saturday and I'm very proud of what he's doing.
I'm very lucky to have such wonderful friends. Especially the sort of folks like the Smashes, you know, the kind I can introduce to other people. Thankfully the embarrassment of our friendship is unidirectional - them by me. But, the cool part is that I raise my social quotient by merely knowing them.
Quit laughing. I've often commented on how socially retarded I can be. With them, I feel almost ready to mainstream. And they are absolutely wonderful for putting up with me.
Now, what to do with Mrs. Smash while her man is gone...I may have to drag her to Vegas for some wild adventure. Or maybe I'll just take up residence in their guestroom while he's gone.
Reality dictates that absolutely none of this will happen and that, if I'm lucky, Mrs. S will me meet for lunch one day between pain clinic sessions since I'm completely without a car now. I'll take whatever I can get. Hmm...maybe I can talk her into a trip to Ikea, too.
Smash, take care and we'll see you soon. Don't worry about what your wife is doing. She'll be safe with me and Little Dude around. Oh, wait...LD and your wife...that could be a problem, couldn't it?
Posted by Da Goddess at 10:31 PM | Comments (7)
June 28, 2006
Online Memorial For Rob
There will be an online memorial for Rob at 4pm Eastern tomorrow (Thursday, June 29). Please check in if you are able.
Yeah, I know. I finally linked. I have not done so before now because I didn't want to become part of the circus surrounding my friend's death. But this is one of those times when it's worth taking that chance.
What I'm about to say will likely be very unpopular and I really don't give a shit. After this, I hope they close down the comments and the trackbacks and let Rob's words stand on their own. I'd hate to see the site become a place where Rob gets lost and everyone tries to one-up each other on who was a closer friend, who knew him better, etc. I'm watching it happening already in the comments and on other websites and it makes me sick. Nobody owned Rob Smith and nobody knew him the same way anyone else did. To try to claim anything else is just ridiculous. I'm sure Rob would have loved the spectacle of it all...for a bit. And then he would have told everyone to fuck off and quit screwing up his site.
So there you have it. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way about his site. I pray those who have the ear of someone with the power to do something to preserve the integrity of the site will prevail.
Until then, join in the remembrance of Robby tomorrow. I wish I could be there, in Georgia or at the time of the online memorial, but I can't. Instead, I'll hoist a shot tonight and sing a song that rotten old bastid taught me.
Posted by Da Goddess at 11:40 PM | Comments (13)
June 26, 2006
Vacation Memories
Some of the most fun I ever had blogging was while I was on vacation with Rob long ago.
If you want a good laugh, just read some of the stuff we wrote - some of it's true, some of it's not. You get to figure out which is which. Scroll down to the very bottom of the page and read your way to the top. Then look throught rest of the archives.
Posted by Da Goddess at 07:51 PM | Comments (2)
RIP Acidman
Most of the blogosphere's been all over this already, but for the few who didn't know, Rob - Gut Rumbles - Acidman - whatever you called him, is gone. He was discovered dead around 2 a.m., with no obvious signs of what may have been the cause.
For those who read his site regularly, there was a post from a couple days ago where he stated this was the end. Of course, he posted right after that in typical Rob fashion. It wasn't the first time we'd read something like that. And, I had considered calling him, in fact, that was something I'd planned on doing for the last week. But I didn't call for fear of stepping on one of his land mines. Lest anyone think I'm speaking ill of the dead, think what you want, as Rob's friend, I was far too often caught in his line of fire and knew there were good times to call and bad times to call and heaven help the person who picked the wrong time! I learned to wait until it "felt" right. I was rarely wrong.
Rob was a fantastic and funny man, one of the best storytellers I've ever met. He loved his children deeply, and the loss of time with his son did more damage to his heart and soul than his prostate cancer. He could be inspirational and he could be irascible. He could be infuriating as well. Under all of that, though, was a man haunted by things the rest of us can only imagine. Not even his oldest and closest friends knew all that went on in that tortured mind. In fact, I don't think Rob even really knew, or wanted to know. But that is wholly beside the point.
The simple fact is, Rob lived much of his last four years in profound psychic pain. No amount of adoration from the masses could soothe his soul or make him feel whole again. That just wasn't possible. And if his stint at Willingway couldn't help him, nothing could. Getting sober was easy, exorcising demons never is.
My friendship with Rob began shortly after I started blogging, in other words, less than a month after I began. He was one of the original two friends I'd made through my blog and it didn't take long before we were talking on the phone (which he said he hated to do, but our three hour calls said otherwise), emailing frequently, and then, bam! We were sitting on a beach in Daytona together. The photo above (the one that's graced his site for years) was taken on the balcony of the place we stayed in there in Daytona. That trip was one of the best vacations I've ever had. Rob and I laughed and cried and laughed some more. It was very hard to say goodbye.
Our friendship went through many phases, including one of intense irritation and aggravation. Frankly, there were times I flat out hated him. But deep down, I loved Rob - right from the first email. Some people are just meant to be a part of your life and Rob was, for ill or for good, meant to be a part of mine.
I will miss his delightful cackle, his deeply sweet Southern drawl, his promises to come visit (I'll likely always be a bit pissed that he let me down on that one), I'll miss his wonderfully warm songs, the beautiful music he created, and I'll miss not being able to have him watch, or at least hear, my son play the guitar Rob sent him.
And damn if it wasn't just last week that I was on the phone with a blues legend, telling him of Rob's kind gesture. You see, the guitar was sent to Little Dude because he'd seen this bluesman in concert. Rob had seen this man at Merle Fest and understood the inspiration. The guitar was Rob's contribution to my son's future as a musician/storyteller. He always did stuff like that.
For all our arguments and grumbling back and forth, we were friends. Good friends, true friends, real life friends. We showed the best and the worst of ourselves to one another.
Friendship, however, is not a cure for loneliness that resides deep within some of us, like Rob.
I'm sorry Rob is gone. I'll miss him. I know that he's out of pain now, free from all the thoughts and fears and memories that tortured him for so long. I wish he'd found a way to overcome those things without having to die, but Rob dealt with those demons the way he did for a reason and not one of us should have expected anything different.
Rob, I love you and I will miss you. You gave me more than a few good memories, my friend, and I'll never forget you for any of it.
Rest in peace, sweetie. Let your soul sing again.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:34 PM | Comments (3)
April 03, 2006
Life is Stranger Than You Think - Reflections on Life and Death
Saturday was a really nice day. Despite my back hurting (and basically flattening me for two weeks), I was very excited about what was a fantastic afternoon and evening.
CalTech Girl and her husband showed up around 1 p.m. and took me out to lunch. What an awesome couple! So enjoyable, so funny, so smart, and just...well, everything I'd imagined them to be and more. I had no idea just how down-to-earth they were.
After lunch, we had to take care of a little shopping. From Target to Best Buy, we got what we needed and headed off to a "We're So Glad You're Not Dead" party for Mikey. That wasn't the official title, but that's what it really was. That, and a "Lucky Duck" extravaganza. (Pics to follow at some point, if I can manage it.)
The evening was fantastic. From Mikey's reaction to the duck theme (ICU psychosis/hallucinations) to the many friends and family who showed up, from the gifts to the laughter, it was truly heartwarming. As many know, my friend has made a remarkable comeback following his coma. He's still dealing with rehab and such, but he's working hard and making wonderful progress.
Following the party, CTG and hub dropped me off at home and I tried to get a little sleep. The Vicodin had kicked in at this point and I dozed off for a few hours. Around 4 a.m., I woke up feeling very strange. Not sick, just strange.
I was supposed to see Mrs. Smash's play yesterday afternoon and take some photos for her, but we rescheduled since the cast had other things happening. That worked out just fine for everyone.
By 2 p.m., I was weepy and feeling completely out of sorts for some reason. Something still wasn't right and I didn't know what it was. I finally went to bed. Upon awakening, I found out via email that one of the local musicians (one with whom I had much wonderful correspondence and occasional contact) had died. Time of death? 2:38 p.m.
Call it a coincidence or whatever you want, that's how it went down.
I've written his obit, made many phone calls, and have shed a tear or two. Mostly, I spent the evening and this morning thinking of the many ways he touched my life.
I began to compare his fate with that of Mikey. For a moment I felt guilty that I'd been celebrating Mikey's recovery while this other dear man was hours from death. But there's no way I could have known. And there's no exchange of life in God's book that I've ever heard tell of. The one thing that I know for certain is that we cannot spend our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop. In doing so, we lose sight of all that brings meaning to our lives. Unable to enjoy the music and the poetry and the breathtaking beauty of all that surrounds us, we fail to fulfill our potential as humans.
I'm grateful that Mikey is alive. And, I'm grateful for my friends and family. I'm saddened by Buddy's death. But, I'm also really grateful for a year of laughter and insight from a man who had thought me worthy of his time. Trust me when I say he didn't expend that sort of energy on everyone. But I was fortunate enough to benefit from my "sort of" mentor. I'll miss him much and I will remember him as I go about the business of living.
Mikey and Buddy - two different medical outcomes - each influencing my life in many ways.
Thank you, guys!
Full obit on Buddy is available here.
Posted by Da Goddess at 06:54 AM | Comments (1)
March 03, 2006
Mikey's Blogging!
He's baaaack!
And, honestly, I couldn't be happier. The guy's been through so much. Go say hello and let him know what a miracle he is.
Posted by Da Goddess at 03:50 PM | Comments (1)
February 28, 2006
Mikey in Day By Day
THANK YOU, CHRIS!
Posted by Da Goddess at 06:55 AM | Comments (5)
February 15, 2006
Surgery
Mikey's surgery is scheduled for early morning, around 7am.
The bone flap will be reattached.
Say a prayer!
P.S. He really liked the jokes.
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:17 AM | Comments (1)
February 13, 2006
Sunday Evening With Mikey
I finally got to head back to the hospital to see Mikey wide awake and talking for myself. We'd talked on the phone, but that's not hardly the same thing as seeing him, right?
I was gowning and gloving up -- a necessary precaution since he has MRSA -- and saw him looking at me through the door. There was a moment of "wha-ha?" on his part. But, that was totally warranted since my hair is a little darker than the last time he saw me. From a distance, I'm sure it was more than a little confusing to have someone waving in at him like they were old friends. Once I got in the room, he smiled and laughed a bit.
Mikey said, in his hoarse stage whisper-y voice, "I couldn't figure out who the hell you were!"
"It's the hair."
"Yeah, it's darker."
It was my turn to laugh, and I told him "at least it's not a mullet." Less than a half hour before, I had been at his house, giggling over a photo of him from years ago. Hey, it was the 80s. We all made "hair-rors".
I sat down next to him and looked him over. He was definitely much better than the last time I'd seen him. His skin was pinker, he wasn't swelled up like overfilled water balloon anymore, and he was awake. I gave him a bad time about scaring the hell out of everyone. And then I had to turn away for a minute. I was just so relieved to see my friend, talk to him, listen to him talking to me.
After I pulled myself together, I looked him over again. Yep. Mikey was back! He's thinner. He looks very gaunt. Even compared to how he looked pre-stroke. The area where they'll need to go in and replace the bone flap is sunken, but closed. When he turns just so and the light hits it the right way, you can watch it pulsate, kind of like a baby's fontanelle -- except it's in the front of his head.
Like the mullet of yore, his current hairdo is a bit, shall we say, different. He has a rather odd patch that's shorter than a military crewcut. There's a smaller patch that's completely bare. The rest is wonderfully blond and still there.
Another friend of ours arrived at that point and joined us. We sat and talked and compared hospital food experiences. Lame, I know. But, between the three of us, we'd pretty much kept the local hospitals in business over the last six months.
Mikey told us how they keep asking him about current events. They want to know what the next holiday is. They want to know if he knows where he is. He knows what's going on, but he couldn't remember the next holiday. For whatever reason, Valentine's Day didn't register as a holiday. Romantic as he is, that's not a day he thinks of as a holiday. At least, not one people normally take off from work. So it eluded him.
I made a point of telling him that he was probably thinking in terms of Super Bowl and the Olympics, like most men.
"You know that's why you woke up on the 5th, right? You wanted to catch the game."
We laughed. There's pain behind the laughter, though. I could see it.
"How's the pain?" I asked. Our friend and I asked him to rate it on a scale of 0-10, with zero being no pain and ten being the worst pain imaginable.
"It's about a nine," he said.
"That's not good," I said.
"It's better than being dead," he replied.
"True."
"You heard about the protesters blocking the progress of the Olympic torch, right?" we asked.
"Wha-aaat?"
General concern and a hint of common sense kept us from cracking some obvious gallows humor-type jokes. You know, like, "hey, guess you can cancel cable now that you've basically got your own satellite dish." Or, "dude, having a bad hair day?" He would have laughed, but it's still too fresh for everyone and we're still too worried to make light of the situation on that sort of scale.
It seems like utter silliness, doesn't it? But, this is typical banter for us. The only difference is that it's happening in the hospital and my friend has a hole in his head. And he's hurting. I hate to see him hurting.
Mikey is still very weak. He needs help getting up to go to the bathroom, but he can get up. Dialysis is back to every other day. Looming, though, is the surgery to put the bone back on his head. That won't be the end of his ordeal. He must slowly rebuild his strength and voice. He needs to maintain a certain level of good health for a while before the doctors sign off and allow him to go home.
Work? Well, according to Mrs. Mikey, they sent out a memo asking for people to donate paid leave for Mikey so that he doesn't have to go without any sort of income. Thus far, no one has donated time. That absolutely blows my mind. I know that everyone likes to save for a rainy day, but this is ridiculous! I cannot fathom how these people can let one of their valued coworkers...what's the word I'm looking for here? How could they stand aside and watch someone almost die and not lend a helping hand? Mikey's the kind of guy who'd be first in line to help someone else. He's always been there for others. Even people he doesn't know very well. Hell, even for people he doesn't know at all. And yet, his coworkers can't give a single day of paid leave to ease his mounting financial burdens? It's unconscionable.
Mrs. Mikey is doing her best to get the basics paid and keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. It's hard though. I know, all too well, how that is.
Mikey's fighting to get better so he can take care of his family. He wants to be back at school and work. He wants to get back to helping his daughter with her homework (honors classes!) and doing all the things that make his family happy. It'll take time before any of that can happen. He needs to get well first.
Please let others know about Mikey's situation. If they can donate a dollar, or five, or fifty -- it'll help take care of the essentials and allow Mikey and his family expend energy on getting him healthy instead of stressing over finances. Let your friends know that Mikey is a good man in a very difficult situation. Let them know he's the kind of man who would go out of his way to help someone else for no other reason than because it's the right thing to do and because he's just that nice. Let people know. Please.
And don't forget to keep praying.
Thanks.
Mad Mikey
c/o SMASH
PO Box 882353
San Diego, CA 92108-2353
Posted by Da Goddess at 09:11 AM | Comments (4)
February 10, 2006
Step Down
Mikey's finally hit the step down unit!
He has a sitter with him. He needs it. Medications leave him just confused enough for him to not understand that he can't get out of bed.
As he and his wife were talking last night, she asked him if he had any questions for her. Mikey had only one.
"Do you still love me?"
I told her she should have said, "if you'd been in a coma for another hour or so, probably not." Mrs. Mikey laughed and said she wasn't feeling sassy enough at the time to come up with that. It's hard to be sassy when you're a big puddle of goo because your honey's only question is so damn touching.
I wish I could find a man like that. Well, one who isn't quite so dramatic in his attempt to get attention. (Yes, Mikey, I'm going to tease you endlessly!)
I'm going to call the hospital now and read comments to him over the phone. I think I have enough cough syrup on board to keep me from choking and sputtering too much. I'll blame my sinuses for any moments of weepiness, too.
By the way, Mikey says hi.
To make a donation and/or send get well wishes:
Mad Mikey
c/o SMASH
PO Box 882353
San Diego, CA 92108-2353
Posted by Da Goddess at 01:02 PM | Comments (0)
February 09, 2006
Duck Season
I've been fighting yet another sinus/inner ear infection and will not go to the hospital until I am positive I have nothing to pass along to Mikey and his family.
Thus, updates will be provided when I get them from Mrs. Mikey.
From yesterday's phone call:
Mikey and the Mrs. were talking and Mikey kept asking if she saw the duck.
"Where?"
"Behind that guy!"
"I don't see a duck."
"It's right there, behind the guy."
"Okay. I believe you're seeing a duck behind the guy, honey."
Some of Mikey's meds are bringing along hallucinations. That's not unusual. If he's still having them without the meds, I'll worry. Or if Mrs. Mikey starts seeing things...I'd definitely worry then!
Things are moving slowly, as expected. He's still in the ICU and it's a good place for him to be. The bone flap, the lines, the fact that he has a long way to go - I can't imagine a better place for him to receive care. The next stop would likely be a step down unit. He'd continue to receive close monitoring, but not be stuck in ICU.
22 days of unconsciousness. Brain surgery. Machines breathing for you. You don't just jump right out of bed after that.
But he's back.
And it's duck season.
Posted by Da Goddess at 09:20 AM | Comments (5)
February 05, 2006
Off the Vent
Mikey was being weaned off the vent. A gradual thing, giving his body a chance to take over basic functions without stressing his entire system.
Until last night, that is.
Apparently, Mikey'd had enough of the ventilator and ripped out the tubing before the docs could.
He is awake.
Yes. HE IS AWAKE!
And talking. Okay, whispering. But, still...
Mikey is awake, communicating, and just as stubborn as ever.
Posted by Da Goddess at 02:16 PM | Comments (4)
January 30, 2006
Mikey's Day
Since it was Mrs. Mikey's first day back at work, I went to the hospital to visit with Mikey today and got there at the end of dialysis. His ICP was good, pulse was good, his BP was a little elevated but that's to be expected with the dialysis. His temperature was up and they had ice packs under both arms and an ice blanket covering him from neck to toe.
He opened his eyes a couple times while I was there and squeezed my hand a tiny bit while I talked with him. He also had a couple of weak coughs. All really good signs.
They've taken him completely off the Versed and they're now using only morphine to keep him sedated.
The doctors have given orders to slowly reduce the respiratory rate via the ventilator and he seems to have tolerated that well.
Mrs. Mikey arrived and we spent some time with him together, talking and teasing him, hoping he'd open his eyes more, but he was tired and continued to sleep. The nurse came in to turn him and noticed he'd pooped. Yay! You really have to know how hard that is for a patient to do when they've not eaten for two weeks and everything has been at a standstill.
So, we stepped out of the room to give the nurses a chance to clean him up and get him settled. We went outside for a breath of fresh air. When we came back in we saw Mrs. Smash standing outside the doors to the ICU.
"Where's Smash?" we asked.
"He's inside. The doors opened and he just walked in. I thought I'd wait and go in after it was cleared by the nurses."
We laughed. Smash is so by-the-book most of the time. He must have been really anxious to see Mikey if he chucked the rules.
The double doors opened again and we saw him standing there, waving Mrs. Smash in. As soon as he saw us, he came out and said hello. We talked for a while and then the Smashes went in to see Mikey while Mrs. Mikey and I went to sit down and chat.
The Smashes came out.
"He was sleeping the whole time. He seemed really tired. He's not as yellow, either," they said.
Smash added, "well, his eyes popped open at the end when Mrs. Smash said she'd cooked dinner..."
Trust me when I say that this surprised us all and fully explained Mikey's response. It's not that Mrs. Smash can't cook, it's just that she doesn't do it often unless it's absolutely necessary. I admire that. A lot.
"I'm so blogging that!" I said. And we laughed again.
One can never underestimate the power of laughter when your life has been full of so much tension and concern. It felt good. More than anything, it was wonderful to see Mrs. Mikey laughing and smiling -- and seeing that in her eyes. If we've accomplished nothing else, we've helped to raise her spirits and that means the world to me. She's a wonderful lady and it's totally apparent why Mikey loves her so much.
After all that talking, the Smashes excused themselves and headed home for dinner. Mrs. Mikey and I went back in to see our patient. We each took a side of the bed and held his hands.
At one point, Mikey heard his beloved's voice, opened his eyes, turned his head, and looked at her. Absolute connection there! His brow wrinkled a bit, as if to say "what the hell is going on?" and his mouth started to move. I couldn't tell if he was trying to talk or if he was hoping to kiss her, but he was trying something!
It was beautiful.
The nurses came back in to perform their hourly checks. Respiratory was in to check his cough response and check the vent settings.
The more Respiratory fiddled, the more Mikey raised his hand like he wanted to bat her away.
Then the nurse started with, "Mikey, open your eyes for me." The eyes opened.
"Mikey, blink for me." He blinked.
"Mikey, squeeze my hand." There was a squeeze, a weak squeeze. "Squeeze again, Mikey." Weaker attempt. And again. Still weaker.
"Mikey, squeeze my other hand." A twitch.
"Wiggle your toes for me, Mikey." Nothing.
Even unconscious, Mikey's stubborn. He can do all of it, but he seems to wear out quickly after just a few commands. I could almost imagine him saying "shut the hell up! I'm trying to sleep!"
Mrs. Mikey and I stood at the foot of the bed, hugging each other, smiling, and cheering him on.
That was the first time I'd witnessed with my own two eyes what he was capable of doing. It was overwhelming and wonderful.
Mikey also achieved his goals on the ventilator today! They've reduced the number of respirations via machine and he's maintained adequate perfusion without stressing his system on his own. Each day will be another step toward weaning him off completely.
His jaundice continues to resolve. The swelling has gone down, but isn't gone yet -- they only took off 1.6 kg with the dialysis today. Awareness continues to improve and it will only be a matter of time before he's back among us.
I'm ecstatic about what I saw today and am more hopeful than ever before.
Posted by Da Goddess at 08:21 PM | Comments (5)
January 29, 2006
Hanging With Mikey
Little Dude and I went down to the hospital yesterday to see Mikey. This is the first time in a week that I'd been able to go and I was anxious to see him since it had been so long.
Mrs. Mikey was running back and forth between hospitals (one of her dearest friends has been hospitalized - at a different facility - with a serious illness) and during a phone call, I let her know we were on our way.
At the hospital, Mikey was undergoing a "procedure". That's code for deep suctioning for secretions by the respiratory therapist/doc to keep the fluid from overwhelming our favorite guy. Since he was otherwise occupied, Little Dude and I headed down to the waiting room. Eventually, the Smashes and Gracie arrived. We sat and talked and began a round of 20 Questions. It's amazing what you'll find to keep busy when you have to be patient. No pun intended.
Finally, Mrs. Mikey and their daughter arrived. She led Gracie and me down the hall and into ICU to see Mikey while the kids occupied themselves under the watchful eye of the Smashes.
Bedside, I held his hand and started talking to him, his heart rate went up, and the monitors started to go off. I had to tease him! I told him I knew he was happy to see me but that he needed to contain his excitement since he's a married man and his wife was standing right there. Everyone laughed and his heart rate went back to normal. He's in there. Definitely. Mikey's fighting hard and I have no doubt that he's going to pull through this.
I also mentioned that I had considered kidnapping Debra Messing (Will and Grace) and bringing her in to see him, to talk him into recovering. However, I had nixed that plan since I didn't think her family nor the police would be real thrilled with the idea. I have no idea what Mikey thinks of her, but she was at the zoo today while Little Dude and I were there. We were all hanging with the pandas.
Mikey's still in a coma, but he has moments of great responsiveness. The medical team was finally able to perform the angiogram. There is no evidence of an aneurysm nor of any abnormal blood vessel anatomy.
He's receiving feedings through a nasojejunal tube, which is placed down the nose, passes through the stomach, and sits in the upper part of the intestines - the jejunum. This prevents the stomach from filling with contents that could potentially be aspirated into the lungs. Naturally, no one wants that to happen. The fact that the doctors have chosen a minimally invasive method for feeds is good. No surgery is required for the tube placement. And better still, the fact that Mikey's being given any sort of feedings at all is FANTASTIC!
The CT and other tests show that the damage from the stroke was confined to a section of the right frontal lobe. Personality should not be drastically altered. He may experience some decreased ability to mentally focus, but that's a better outcome than what might have been. Ultimately, the only real way to determine the extent of the damage will come once Mikey has regained consciousness.
In addition to the feedings, Mikey is moderately jaundiced. Shock, medications, feeds, and many other factors play a role in how the body functions, especially the liver. Apparently, the bilirubin levels have been steadily decreasing, which is more good news. Bilirubin is a product of hemoglobin breakdown. Normally, our liver will help with processing the old blood cells and they will passed from our system via urine and stool. When the amount of heme and globin becomes greater than the amount the liver and gall bladder can process, bilirubin begins to accumulate in the blood stream and thus, the yellowing of skin and sclera (the whites of the eyes). Mikey was yellow, but not a horrible yellow. I've worked with so many icteric patients that I can pretty much gauge what the lab results will be just by looking at them. Mikey has a fight on his hands, but he's on his way.
He's also very edematous (swollen). The nurse said they took off quite a bit of fluid during dialysis yesterday and that's to be expected. 4 kg is significant. It's important to remove the excess fluid to improve blood pressure as well as to keep the lungs from becoming congested.
The ICP remained under 10 the whole time I was there. Yay! The blood pressure was good. Yay! And, Mikey was in a deep "sleep". Friday had been a particularly arduous day for him - the angiogram was done, a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter as opposed to a standard IV) was placed, and he has those extra special suctionings throughout the day. That's a lot stress on