Da Goddess

May 12, 2008

Mikey is Homeward Bound

Mikey's been making such great strides over the last few days that the doctors have said he's going home tomorrow.

Woo hoo!

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:11 PM | Comments (1)

Pretty Little Distraction

Little Dude felt lots better yesterday, but remained mostly quiet and happy to lounge around, watching movies. Good thing, too, because I ended up in tons o' pain. Weather and too much walking/carrying supplies did me in. As I said though, we watched movies and giggled over general silliness, talked about how special Soldiers' Angels is and what a great job LD did for them on Saturday, and basically enjoyed hanging out together.

I'm such a lucky mom.

On Friday, I took a bunch of quick photos for a friend and the flowers above came from that set. Today they're a pretty distraction from pain and frustration.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:40 PM | Comments (0)

May 10, 2008

Rut Roh

Someone woke up vomiting and it isn't me.

Gator's not happening for us tomorrow.

Fudgesicle. LD's very upset. He says Soldiers' Angels NEEEEEDS him. I told him they also really need not to get sick. Or have him throw up on people. Reluctantly, he went back to bed with little fuss.

We'll probably spend the day watching movies and taking it easy.

Poor little guy.

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:16 PM | Comments (4)

May 03, 2008

Dazed and Confused

Mrs. Mikey said our favorite patient was being stubborn. Why am I not surprised?

Mikey's had to have a little more sedation because he's not happy when they hook him up for dialysis. Seems he's ripping things out again, things that need to be hooked up. It's that whole medication haze that gets 'em every time. Most patients require a long, gradual weaning from the meds used in deep sedation. And with Mikey, well, he's special. He doesn't like the meds, he doesn't like not having control of himself, he doesn't like not knowing what's happening. That's actually pretty normal, too.

Reports are that when he's awake he knows he was in an accident, but doesn't get how bad it really was. He's also thinking Mini Mikey was with him (she wasn't). All this is part of the battle with the meds and his brain worrying about the family. In a way, it's a really good thing that he's working at coming to grips with reality. He'll get there soon enough.

Once he's properly weaned from meds, he'll be more cooperative and a little less stubborn about his lines and the treatments he's getting. It's nothing that's going to happen overnight and that's just fine. He's alive and getting well and that's just what the doctor ordered.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2008

Looking Good

We just got back from the hospital and I can happily report that Mikey is looking pretty damn good! (dancing and joyous laughter)

Surgery on his arm was yesterday, natch. Today he was weaned off the vent and has stayed off. They've removed his restraints as well, which is a no brainer when you realize they really only had him in them to keep him from pulling tubes and such.

Mrs. Mikey and Mini Mikey were in good spirits. LD and Mini Mikey "did homework" while the Mrs. and I went in to see Mikey. Thank God for the ride home otherwise I don't think LD's homework would have ever been done. Oh well, kids need diversion and distraction in stressful situations and that's why LD was along for this particular visit.

Anyhow, back to the patient.

Mikey really does look good. There's some faint bruising on his left chest (seatbelt compression), a huge lump on his right arm (no break), bruises on his legs, a massive bandage and cast on the left arm from the surgical repair, and a small, open pressure sore on his right wrist from the restraints (he was writhing so much, it was bound to happen). Oh, and the really good news about the left arm is that they were able to save the graft/fistula for his dialysis! They won't be able to use it until his cast if off, but it was saved. Yay!

Now, he wasn't awake enough yet for conversation. Well, he was earlier for Mrs. Mikey, but not by the time I got there. Still, seeing is believing and I believe he's going to be back to his old self in no time.

The same can't be said for his truck, though. That was scary! I'm hoping Mrs. Mikey's photos make their way into my mailbox soon so I can show you just how bad it was and how lucky we are Mikey lived.

And there you have it. Mikey's making strides!

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 30, 2008

Mikey's Post-Op Update

Thank you all again for all of your well wishes!! Your prayers and good juju have been working!!

Mike had a really good day today! He had his surgery on his arm and it went great. He also had his head and neck CT today and the preliminary (reading) looks great. The CT results still need to be looked over by a radiologist before the results are official but again they look good. So the plan for tomorrow is to start to wean him off of the ventilator and the sedation meds. Yah!!! They plan to try to get him to start breathing on his own and get back to consciousness; they are hoping he will be able to be awake tomorrow but they plan to let him make the pace. So I am really hopeful he will be home sometime next week! YAHHHHH!!!!

Anyways, thank you all so very much for helping our little family yet again. We truly are blessed to have all of you in our lives!!

I will update you all as soon as I have something new.

Tomorrow, Little Dude and I are heading down to the hospital. We'll help keep Mini Mikey company and help distract her. She's having a rough go of it this time around. Can you blame her? No kid should ever have to see his or her parents in a coma, let alone twice. Forget that this one is medically induced. The fact that Mini Mikey has held up so well until now is a miracle. Same with Mrs. Mikey. She is undoubtedly the strongest woman I know. But this has to be weighing on her. I can't imagine.

Keep up the kind thoughts, the prayers...all of it.

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)

From Mrs. Mikey

First, I would like to say thank you to everyone for all of your support, prayers, and good juju! We couldn’t do this with out your support and love.

Mike is still stable yet listed as critical. He was not able to have the surgery on his arm today. They have it scheduled for tomorrow at 2pm. They will also be doing another head CT tomorrow because he is still very disoriented and they are concerned that he may have a head injury. I was informed today that they found he has a fractured sternum; probably caused by the seatbelt, nothing serious though. Mike’s BP is still a major concern; they are having trouble keeping it in a normal range. At this time there is no way of knowing how long he will be there. I was told it could be any where from 1 week to several weeks it all depends on Mikey’s progress.

I didn't go down to the hospital yesterday. Mrs. Mikey had other friends with her and keeping visitors to a minimum is actually more helpful, I think. Less overwhelming. Anyhow, we did talk on her way to the hospital in the morning and she was rather optimistic. When I called later on in the day, her phone had died (all those calls asking about Mikey, no doubt). I wasn't worried. I knew I'd get an update later on.

Sounds like things are moving along. That's good. It's not major progress, but that's fine. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Right.

Keep on praying, folks.

Posted by Da Goddess at 08:07 AM | Comments (1)

April 28, 2008

Things Could Be Worse

Mikey's accident made the news. What drama! His wife and I teased him about this while we stood by his bed and tried to carry on one-sided conversations with him. Or was it a three-way convo with only two active participants? Hard to tell.

Anyway, here's the latest:

His arm is severely broken. They were talking about doing surgery tonight, but it won't happen until tomorrow.

He's heavily sedated because he's super combative otherwise. He's on a vent again, but without the extra tubes and machines that they had for his head last time, it doesn't looks quite so bad. Mikey was a little agitated off and on while Mrs. Mikey and I were in with him. He calmed down quickly though. Seems like anytime housekeeping was causing any sort of noise with trash, he'd get all riled up. And when respiratory came in, he'd get a bit restless.

Blood pressure is looking good for now. The fluid around the heart and in the lungs is, well, they don't know what that's from. It could be there because he had a shorter dialysis session today or from the impact. Nobody knows.

His left shoulder is a bit swollen from the shoulder belt, but isn't too bad.

They'll be doing more films and such tomorrow, I'm sure, checking to see if his back and head still look good. You never know with these things.

While Amy and I were outside talking and waiting to get in to see him, I thought I recognized someone across the parking lot. I walked a bit closer, then a little closer, and finally I realized I had it right -- two local musicians (who've been very good to me and who have brought good luck my way in the past plus they're proudly using one of MY PHOTOS on their site at this very moment) were smack dab in front of me! It was a surreal moment to be sure, but I took this as a very good sign. If Nate and Ben could magically appear in the parking lot of the hospital, Mikey would HAVE to be okay.

Things aren't nearly as bad as they were last time, but Mikey has a long way to go. Say a prayer, think good thoughts, do whatever you have to in order for Mikey to get well.

I'll try to keep everyone updated as best I can.

Oh, and do me a favor and add a prayer for our friend Gracie who is having part one of her sinus surgery in the morning.

Gotta keep everyone healthy from now on, right?

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:38 PM | Comments (3)

Mikey Hospitalized

Mad Mikey was in a horrible car accident today and is currently in the hospital.

He's responsive to pain, which is good, but otherwise not so much. There's swelling around the heart and lungs, and who knows what else.

I'm on my way down right now. I'll have more details when I return.

Say a prayer for our buddy, please.

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:43 PM | Comments (1)

April 23, 2008

Boom De Yada

Dear Discovery Channel, er, Network,

Thank you for your great new commercial. You know, the one featuring Bear Grylls, Mike Rowe, Jamie and Adam, an egyptianologist, and a cast of many others singing the praises of our amazing world. It's no "Ahh, the Atmosphere", but it's pretty damn cool.

Imagine my surprise and delight to find a second, longer version on YouTube. (See both below*)

Discovery, A&E, and Bravo have saved my sanity, such as it is, during my confinement. Tonight's episode of Mythbusters hit close to home. They did a segment on cabin fever. Yes, that's the sound of bells ringing for them knowing exactly what I've been going through cooped up here.

Last night, of course, was Deadliest Catch. Sigh. I love the raw energy of the show. It's the real man vs. wild (no offense, Bear) aspect that keeps me on the edge of my seat and wishing each episode had an extra hour or two every week. The captains, the crews, the weather, and even the crab fascinate me. Crab fishing is brutally hard, requires a fiercely independent spirit (and some would say a death wish), and again, there's that epic battle between the adventurous men and often unruly Mother Nature. It's the best kind of reality television -- little artifice, some selective editing, and yet, it's the real lives of real men and even some women. Take that, Big Brother.

I should point out that as big a fan as I am of Captains Sig Hansen, Johnathan Hillstrand, Phil Harris, and all the rest (though in no way of less importance -- it's the meds, guys, my apologies), you will not find me on message boards discussing them, their lives, writing fan fiction, or scheming of ways to someday meet them. I leave that to the rest of their very weird, rabid fanbase. Although, I do admit that the new book from the Hillstrands looks pretty damn interesting. Anyhow, should I ever decide I really did want to meet any of them, I'd do it for portrait sessions and a subsequent book of essays on the men and their lives, natch.

After countless hours spent medicated and bored, I looked forward to evening TV. I've already seen every episode of JAG, Nash Bridges, Golden Girls, and The Nanny. The only upside to daytime is catching up on Matlock. I never watched it while it was in first run, so it's new to me now. Give me prime time TV anytime and I'm much happier.

I'm tapering off my Flexeril, Vicodin, and Tylenol with high hopes of being med-free by the weekend. I have yet to see my darling son since before he left on his trip. I'm taking baby steps forward, folks.

For now, I must return to Discover the world from my living room sofa. (Thanks to the roomie, it's actually more easily visible with an early birthday gift.)

Signed,

Your Semi-Medicated Cabin Fever Goddess

* Take your pick (I love them both)

Shorter version (the one with which I've become most familiar):

Longer version:

My favorite Discovery.com commercial ever:

Don't miss out on Fellow Partially Eaten Fish and Hello Mosquito

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:35 PM | Comments (2)

April 18, 2008

Sick Leave

Not feeling so great. Sorry for lack of updates. My back hurts like a mofo and I have limited patience with trying to compose actual words right now.

I shall return.

Promise.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:49 AM | Comments (6)

April 12, 2008

Pleasant Surprise

The last couple of days have been hazy at best. Pain has forced me into a rather inert state, as well as to bow out of a meeting for Soldiers' Angels and a couple of concerts. I'd been looking forward to it all, but this is just the way it goes sometimes.

What I didn't expect, though, was a surprise concert practically on my front porch.

Turns out my neighbors are part of a mariachi band and they'd gone around to all the apartments asking if it was okay if they rehearsed this evening. The roommate answered the door and said it was cool with him. He relayed a garbled message to me about what was happening, but I was too sleepy to understand at the time.

When the music started, I wasn't quite sure if what I was hearing was just a loud stereo or what. Much to my delight, it was live. The horns and guitars are echoing pleasantly down our little pathway between buildings. Sweet notes hang in the air, quickly followed by more and then more. The guitar provides a gentle rhythmic beat that plays softly under the melodic voices that carry a sense warm comfort.

Even as I grimaced with pain, I hobbled to the doorway and watched one of the trumpet players -- in full traje de charro -- stroll from the stairway from the parking lot to my neighbor's door. Part of me wanted to pick up the camera and capture it all, but my back said otherwise. Instead, I've curled up in a slightly more comfortable position on the couch and let the music wash over me.

What's really kind of surreal about the whole thing is that earlier today I'd watched The Milagro Beanfield War and felt a keen yearning of sorts for mariachi bands, dancers swaying, and gold and pink sunsets. Like magic, part of it came to life right in front of me.

I may not be where I planned to be tonight, but I've been given a pleasant surprise that's helped to dull the hard, rough edges of my pain into something a little more bearable.

Music does wonders for the soul...and the body.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:18 PM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2008

Hurdle #1

Just got a letter from my attorney. As expected, the insurance company and their attorney are balking at the surgeon's diagnosis. It doesn't matter that THEY chose him for me, they're disagreeing because that's what they do.

I knew this would happen. I fully anticipated this and yet I still feel...what? Betrayed? Is that what it is? I guess maybe that's the best word for it. The California work comp laws are so screwed up right now, it's scary. It's scary to know they're playing me like I'm some puppet on a string, making me dance for their amusement. It's a painful dance. I was fine before I got hurt working with a patient and now I'm not. I just want what I've wanted since the moment I got injured: I want to feel better and I want to go back to living my independent little life. But nooooooooo. That's not how all this works.

So, yeah, even though I expected this, it doesn't stop the tears from flowing. I'm frustrated, in serious pain, and tired. Really damn tired. I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of the pills. I'm tired of not being able to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. I'm tired of needing help all the fucking time. Tired of having to fill out more forms asking for money I shouldn't have to ask for (this time for state disability...long termm which requires the doctor to fill out the form, too. Another appointment. Oh joy). Tired of hearing "no" over and over again.

I'm going back to bed, pulling the covers up over my head, pretending I'm fine. After that twenty seconds is over, I'm going to attempt a damn nap.

Updated 3 hours later: I freakin' hate dealing with the attorneys' office sometimes. "Don't you have family who can help you pay for a doctor's appointment to get your disability form filled out?" No, I don't. I don't have family who can help out financially. I haven't for the entire time. How many times do I have to answer the same question? Grr. Just. grr.

/whinge

Posted by Da Goddess at 12:27 PM | Comments (7)

Hot Footin'

First my hip started to feel warm and I thought maybe I'd sat on something hot. Nope, that wasn't it.

Then my foot got super warm and I had to look down to see what was going on. Nothing there. Weirdness.

And then it dawned on me. Earth to Goddess...it's the nerves being tweaked. D'oh! Sometimes my blonde roots run deeper than I think.

Felt pretty crappy most of yesterday afternoon. I'd started off so well, too. As soon as I began to move around, it was obvious I hadn't knocked out the pain like I'd hoped. Still, I had a quick shoot to help with very close to home. I hobbled out to the car, got over to the park, played assistant, took a couple photos, and then dropped my friend off at her house. While I was there, we were digging through photos and talking shop, of course. All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed by intense nausea. WTF? I had nothing to purge myself of, so emesis wasn't forthcoming. It lasted about 10 minutes and then was gone. I've had a bit of a headache and the hot foot thing to keep me company though.

Watching Craig Ferguson tonight, er...last night...and he has a comic on named Clinton Jackson. Guy has a CD called Do You See The Ducks Now? I thought of Mikey, natch.

Got my third update from Little Dude's teacher. Lots of photos and lots of happy little faces to be seen. By all accounts, it sounds like everyone's enjoying the trip. The group heads off to the FBI Academy tomorrow (fine! TODAY). That'll be lots of fun. The day after (4-10) is Arlington and the wreath. LD and I worked on his speech last week and it was good. Really good.

Okay, back to my fascination for the night: Highland cows. Wish I could claim ownership of the photo at the end of that link, but alas and alack, I cannot. Gorgeous creatures, aren't they? Run a search on flickr for Highland Cows and enjoy! Guess I should close the browser and finish uploading and editing my own work, eh? (Just dawned on my why I might like these critters: they remind me of Zach Galifianakis -- if they could only grow more hair.)

Blah blah blah. Whatev.

Vicodin, oh Vicodin, where in the heck is my dear old Vicodin? (I'd totally settle for a muscle relaxer at this point. Means I have to actually move to find either. Or should that be "mooooove"?)

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:21 AM | Comments (2)

April 07, 2008

So It's Like That

I absolutely overdid it last week and have spent the last few days paying for it.

I knew Thursday that I'd done too much and my back was screaming like a mofo the whole night.

Friday was spent in a medicated haze. Even with the meds, I was in terrible pain. It sucked.

Saturday, I made a huge effort to get out to the Soldiers' Angels event I'd volunteered for. Can't let the troops down, right? While I wasn't comfortable, I kept telling myself there were injured troops who were in worse shape and I could tough it out. I managed to get through my scheduled hours and was glad I did. I met some wonderful volunteers and while I was there, we'd sold two First Response backpacks, which include sweats, basic toiletries, a phone card, and many other items. Why is this important? Well, the description of the pack on the SA site tells it best:

When our wounded arrive at these hospitals they often have only what they were wearing in the battlefield and considering they were injured, it usually is not in very good condition. It can take up to a couple of days before they receive replacement supplies and it is often weeks before their belongings catch up to them. The military does all it can to provide for our wounded heroes and more than meets his or hers basic needs. These backpacks, however, ensure that our wounded soldiers have a little love from home to comfort them until their family can reach them and/or they return to the states. A wounded soldier certainly can wear a hospital gown for the first 24 hours before his replacement clothing is issued, but having a quick change of clothing is priceless.

The kindness of two San Diegans means two more of our wounded have a little something extra to help them through their first days in hospital.

We also had folks signing Blankets of Hope and get well/thank you cards to be handed out by the chaplain teams.

The event buoyed my spirits, even though I didn't feel so hot. The best part though, was knowing the day was a success for Soldiers' Angels. Yay!

The rest of my Saturday was spent resting, praying I'd feel better. Sunday was spent heavily medicated again. I wanted to wake up today feeling great, but that didn't happen. And so that meant I had to make a phone call to San Diego Momma to let her know I'd be missing out on the super fun evening with the other San Diego blogging moms. There was even going to be a special appearance from a traveling blog mom. Feh.

So here I sit, bummed that I'm missing out on meeting all these amazing ladies who are gathered together to welcome the traveling one. I can only hope they each have an extra drink to make up for the ones I'm not consuming.

Sigh.

Oh well, there'll be other get togethers, but Bossy won't be there. Maybe I'll just have to stalk her through her blog. It'll be easy cuz she takes some gorgeous photos and you know how I love photos.

Ladies, I'm there in spirit. Physically, I'm here, at home on the sofa, watching crap TV until Little People, Big World and Jon & Kate Plus 8 come on. Small consolation. I'd rather be laughing and having fun with the gals.

I couldn't even check email since Thursday night.
That's pretty rare for me, but it does happen. But, early this morning, I was so pleased to find an email from Little Dude's teacher filling us in on the flight from San Diego to the east coast, the kids' experiences on their first day in Virginia, and the exhaustion everyone's feeling. Plus there were photos. Including one of LD with his camera...I can't wait to see what he took. I can't wait until he gets home. I miss my baby already.

Posted by Da Goddess at 06:15 PM | Comments (5)

April 02, 2008

Some Days Are Diamonds, Some Days Are Dirt

Despite the fact I didn't carry the first bagful of clothes to the laundry room, I found myself having to haul a second, smaller bag over. I also made three trips to the apartment so as not to anger my already aching back. So why is it that I couldn't get comfortable after, or sleep without meds?

Today, I'm hunched over and looking like I spent the last week on my knees scrubbing floors with a toothbrush. Maybe it was a combination of that and my long, but leisurely walk on Monday. (I had a meeting and was without a car. It was a good walk, but I felt it deeply the whole way. Oh, and the meeting went very well.)

I had to bow out of picking Little Dude up from school so I could stay medicated and get myself feeling better for his big day tomorrow.

"Another big day for LD?" you ask. Why, yes. Tomorrow night, two of the 5th grade classes are performing in a fantastic play, complete with singing and dancing. They've been rehearsing for a few months. It's about music from every decade of the last century.

But, there's more. Earlier in the day, they'll have the family of a fallen Marine in class. They have a special surprise for the family and the local news crews will be there as well. We'll have a long day ahead of us. Given a choice, I'd rather miss today and be there tomorrow.

With permission from the family, I will share more details about their son and I'll post pictures. Until then, I'm doped to the gills and resting. Plus, all the laundry's done and I'm reading a very cool book written by a fellow blogger who comments here frequently.

Speaking of other bloggers, the Gardenwife has a special favor to ask and it only requires a moment of your time to vote for Sarahbou & Caribou.

Update: I was so dopey earlier, I was throwing question marks around like they belonged in statements and other random spots. Why aren't you folks proofing my posts?

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:51 PM | Comments (6)

March 24, 2008

Vaccines Not The Cause of Autism, Despite What Headline Says

Just read an article called "Vaccine Autism Case Gets US Government Compensation" wherein a family sued the government over the vaccines their daughter had, claiming she got autism from the vaccine.

If you were to read the headline and the first paragraph of the article, you'd probably come to the conclusion that the autism was caused by the vaccines.

The parents of 9 year-old Hannah Poling spoke to the media this week about the US government's landmark decision to pay compensation following their claim that childhood vaccines caused their daughter's autism. The government's sealed decision, made last November, was recently made public on an autism advocacy group website.

However, you have to read a little further to understand that vaccines were not the cause of the autism.

...The ruling effectively states that Hannah's pre-existing rare mitochondrial disorder had disposed her to autism and this was "significantly aggravated" by the vaccines she received as a toddler eight years ago.

Even further into the article, you'll find this amazing clarification:

While conceding that childhood vaccines contributed to Hannah's autism, government health officials maintain that there is no proof that they cause autism directly [emphasis mine]. The government decision does not support the parents' claim, they said.

Here's the thing. Autism Spectrum Disorders are all very complicated and have many genetic factors which contribute to the onset of the expression of the disorder. Vaccines, a normal part of childhood in the U.S., are not the cause of autism, but can trigger genes to interpret the vaccine components in a way that thereby trigger the expression of the autistic characteristics. If vaccines alone were the cause of autism, all of us would be in the same boat. Autism is genetic. Do we know all the genetic markers for autism yet? No. Are we actively involved in research to discover them? Yes. Should we stop immunizing our kids for fear of autism? Not on your life. We must protect our children from disease, especially in this day and age when we continue to be a great big melting pot, not just for people, but also the diseases they might unintentionally bring with them. Autism can be devastating, but death from a preventable disease is worse.

My guess is that without vaccines, we'd still see autistic diagnoses in a significant number of children. If one tiny component in a vaccine can set things off, no doubt there are many more environmental factors which can do the exact same thing.

I feel terrible for families with autistic children, but many of these kids go on to lead very productive lives. Early detection, early intervention, active therapies on a regular basis, and sometimes even medication can help a great number of families and children through very difficult times and improve their lives.

Will there ever be a cure for autism? Until we discover each genetic contributor, and the triggers of the expression of these genes, it seems unlikely. But in the meantime, can't we expect better reporting and fewer lawsuits that do nothing but take money away from research and improvement of current vaccines?

Personally, I'd like to see the lawsuits against drug companies and the government come to a complete halt regarding autism/vaccines. I'd like to see a huge statement in the press without misleading headlines. I'd like to see common sense prevail for once.

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM. Vaccines can trigger a cascade of reactions that cause the expression of the autistic genes, but they DO NOT cause autism. Even the parents of the child in this case are pro-vaccine. What they hope to accomplish, as does the Autism Society of America, is to make vaccines safer. I absolutely agree with this. But in order to do so, we need to make the monetary rewards of such cases go toward the research necessary to make safer vaccines, to improve genetic screening, to prevent wide-spread disease.

Please read the rest of the article. Send the author and the newspaper editor a note about how misleading the headline and first paragraph were.

And then go out and read the book Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison, a man with Asperger's -- an Autism Spectrum disorder.

Do your research, vaccinate your kids, support research, and demand better reporting from the media.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:20 AM | Comments (2)

March 19, 2008

But Will I Be Able To Play The Piano After?

I have very rudimentary skills on the keyboard. The musical kind. I'm a damn whiz on the computer sort, sometimes.

I'm hoping like hell that somehow, some way, I'll be granted musical gifts of all types when I have my surgery.

YES! My surgery.

But let's stop and review the entire visit, shall we?

The doctor reviewed my MRI results with me.

The very cute surgeon asks me how I'm doing when he walks in the room. He looks at the dark circles under my eyes and that weary, nervous look on my face and says, "um, scratch that, I think I know."

He pulls up the MRI and says there's obvious narrowing around the nerves and, by the way, he asks, what side is worse? I tell him it depends on the day, but mostly the left side is worse than the right.

"Do you have numbness and tingling?" he asks.

"Numbness, tingling, weakness, twitching, pain, and this intense itchy sensation from my hip down to my toes." I reply.

"Hmmm."

Hmmm? WTF is hmmm?

...

I wait for him to say more.

...

"That's what I'd expect from looking at all your films."

And then I start pretending I'm not about to lose it. I fight the tears. I try so hard to avoid crying like a baby. Really, I can do this. I. Can. I. Will. I. Must.

Ri-i-i-ight.

I don't bawl, just tear up a little and shakily say, "thank you. You have no idea what a relief it is to have everything confirmed."

He says he's not sure how I was still walking at this point.

...

...

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wow."

Then he gives me the surgical options. The first involves going in through the abdomen with what's called the Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion. Fancy schmancy. There's a great article describing what they do for an ALIF surgery on Spine Health. There's even a super groovy animation that takes you through the operation. The University of Maryland Medical Center has some good illustrations of the spine before and after the surgery.

Pretty cool, eh?

The other option is a Posterior Lumbar Fusion. According to the doc, this procedure would require a longer recovery and is not recommended. The difference, besides the obvious, is that cutting through the muscles on the back is worse than pulling aside the muscles in the abdomen (and moving my guts all around). Cutting muscle means it has to heal. Muscle, especially in the lower back, doesn't heal very fast. Plus there's a higher risk of epidural injury with the posterior method. And a greater risk of nerve root damage.

I've been reading about this way too much, but I was told to do my homework. So I am. The only problem is that I now have a list of questions a mile long for my surgeon. Some sites advocate one method more than the other, and one has given info on all. My guess is I won't fight the recommendation made by the doc -- the anterior method. He's the one who has to cut, he's the one with the experience, he's the one who has to find a way to move my flab around. I've asked him to remove some of it while he's in there, but orthos don't do that. (Couldn't he sneak a plastics guy in and call it a training mission?)

Surgery isn't likely to happen for a while. The insurance company is going to try to find a way out of this. I'd be willing to bet my kids on it. They're currently pouring over my medical records, from age eight on up, looking for every time I winced or sneezed or fell down. That's what they do. But I'll fight. And so will my attorneys. I've never hurt this bad in my entire life. I've never been so incapacitated. This is something they need to fix. So we will fight.

Of course, once they finally approve the operation, we'll have to schedule it and that could take a while.

A smart blogger would start a pool, wouldn't she? Too bad I'm not one.

No matter what, I'm looking forward to a life without the falls, without the pain, without all the crap I've had to deal with for the last three years. I'll likely spend my summer recovering from surgery, but that's a small price to pay when it means I get to be a real girl again.

Oh yeah, the recovery time is 3-6 months, with 8 months not being unheard of. The first three months are the crucial time when bone growth takes place, ensuring the success of the stability of the spine. After, it's all about rehabbing.

My mom has said I can stay with her the first week I'm out of the hospital. She has a great bed that's a bit higher up off the ground and won't require me to work so hard to get in and out. I'm going to ask about possibly staying at a skilled nursing facility if I need too much help, but I do have my mom's house if I need it.

Cue the choir singing "Oh Happy Day".

Posted by Da Goddess at 12:55 AM | Comments (13)

March 18, 2008

Doctor Day

Wish me luck! Pray the doc says surgery is the answer.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:05 AM | Comments (2)

March 12, 2008

Miserable Raggy and Irritable

Apparently the valium and I didn't get along well enough after the MRI. I'm cranky. I think the fact I couldn't sleep well before or after the scan had a lot to do with it.

Needless to say, everyone would have done well to give me wide berth the rest of the day. Some didn't.

Nothing made me feel better. Except the brief inhalation of someone's cologne that smelled heavenly. Top Chef helped a bit, but not enough. I'm still bitchy and achy (from the fall yesterday). Blech.

I'm sorry. Really.

I'm going to bed now to finish sleeping this off. Tomorrow should be better. We hope.

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:09 PM | Comments (1)

March 11, 2008

More Research, Indeed

Tomorrow is my lumbar spine MRI. Despite never having a problem with the scans in the past, the doctor is insisting I down a valium prior to this one. Fine, fine. I'll do it. With any luck, I won't need to be transported out of there in a cart, but will be able to exit on my own.

Please say a prayer that the scan shows the nerve compression necessary for the insurance company to finally agree to fix my back. They've fought it for three years. Proof on the scan will force them to do the right thing. You don't want me looking all frazzled forever, do you?

I want my life back. I want my back sexy and my sexy back*. I want to be free to move about the cabin as I did before.

* Justin has nothing to do with it. It was stolen by a confused little old man and held for ransom by a huge corporation concerned only with saving themselves a few grand here and there.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:13 AM | Comments (4)

February 05, 2008

What The Surgeon Said

It may sound weird to say this, but I was extremely happy to walk out of the surgeon's office today after hearing there's a problem with my lower back. After three years of increasing pain and decreasing function, to finally have someone say there's a real, physical cause to it makes me feel immensely better. It's relief. It's a validation of what I knew was happening.

Three years of asking for help with my lower back. Three years of increasing impairment. Three years of losing my life and my sanity all because the insurance company didn't want to address what was really going on.

I've lost so much because they chose to write off my pain in order to save money. I've gained a lot, too. Most of the gain hasn't been in productive areas, though.

So the surgeon, my sweet surgeon, after looking at new films for two seconds, points out the problem area and explains exactly why I'm experiencing numbness, tingling, weakness, etc. He also notes that the emergency room doc saw the same thing three years ago and laments the treatment (or lack thereof) I received from my primary for this. He orders an MRI and prescribes me more Vicodin, Flexeril, and some Valium (just two of them). The Valium is for my MRI. I don't think I need it, but he says I should take it for this one as I'll have to be very still for much longer than previous scans. Okay. If he says so.

Nerve studies aren't going to be necessary (yay!) because the nerve compression is apparent from xrays alone. The MRI will prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt to the insurance company. Oh, they'll still try to get out of this, I'm sure. But the simple fact is, I didn't have these problems before I got hurt and they've only become worse since then. According to the surgeon, the problem I have is usually not an issue until there's trauma of some sort to set things in motion. Hello! That's me!

I love my surgeon. Love him, love him, love him. Not in some dreamy, romantic way. I love him in a "thank God this sort of doctor exists" way. He was happy to see me and gave me a great big hug when he walked in the room and another one as I was leaving. Did I mention he's good looking, too? Yeah, he is. Makes the whole experience much more pleasant. To be honest, he's the only doctor I've seen in three years who truly seems to care about his patients and acts as though he wants to mitigate their suffering. How can you not love someone like that?

I finally have the proof that my pain isn't in my head (as my primary once said). I have proof that there is a physical cause to what ails me. Now all I have to do is get the MRI under my belt and see what we can do about it. Chances are, there will be a fusion of part of my lumbar spine. I've just spent the last hour researching the info the surgeon told me to google and that seems to be the only answer for pain that's persisted longer than six months. Again, that's me. And I'm totally cool with it. I only want to feel like a real person again and if it takes surgery, by all means, let's do it!

Yeah. I have answers and I'm happy. We can move forward now.

Posted by Da Goddess at 08:10 PM | Comments (2)

February 01, 2008

Coughy Break

Would you believe me if I told you I'm sick again? Started off Saturday night with a little laryngitis and by Monday, it was full on fever, sore throat, congestion, etc. I've had NO voice for several days now. I've slept a lot, too.

While I'm not anywhere near better, I just woke up feeling like something's changed. Still have a fever. Still coughing. Still congested. But it feels less like I'm going to keel over. I think that's progress. Maybe it's because I finally ate yesterday. Something other than soup, that is.

I had a weird dream while my fever was way up there. I imagined Hillary Clinton was running for president and that she had vague "feel good" ads airing every few minutes on TV. There was even a lightly veiled reference to "new age" in there somewhere. I also had a dream that Rudy Giuliani dropped out of the race. And Vincent Pastore quit Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, and there was this horrendous dream (nightmare) that Eva Longoria Parker was in an actual movie. Isn't everyone sick of her already? Amazing what delirium does to you, huh?

Time to get back to coughing. I've been slacking off for too long. My ribs were almost feeling normal for a second.

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:02 AM | Comments (2)

January 09, 2008

Maybe It's The Fever Talking

But...

I am officially declaring the following things are no longer cool or interesting (as if some ever were):

• Tramp stamps, or as Barney said on How I Met Your Mother: "You know, a ho tag. Ass Antlers. A Panama City license plate." Seriously, if you're going to get a tattoo, pick a different location and a more interesting design than the typical angel wings, butterfly, fairy, etc. We're through with looking at lower backs and cookie cutter images. Quit insulting tattoo artists with your lack of imagination and us with your need to say you like to do it doggy style.
• Paris, Britney, Lindsay, J-Lo, Brangelina, Tom, and every other overexposed attention whore. In order to get more press, they've resorted to sex tapes, psychotic breaks, foreign adoption, and acting as spokesmodels for high priced cults. They're done. DONE, I say. D.O.N.E. We don't care, so quit with the media coverage.
• Wrestling. Enough already! The staged antics and pseudo drama of wrestling is so over the top it practically screams "watch me or I'll body slam ya". No longer is it good vs. evil, but bad guy against even badder guy. Each year, the shows ramp up the stunts to the point where you're no longer watching guys (and gals) in spandex, but a three ring circus act, occasionally with explosions and sex scenes. Huh? Yeah. I don't watch it, I just read about the stupidity. Whatever happened to the good old days of Gorilla Monsoon, Ox Baker, Chief Jay Strongbow, and countless others? You know, the days before steroids and multiple camera. There was a certain artistry to what old school wrestlers did (yes, I know this because my "adopted" uncle's father was a wrestler and boxer long, long ago and I used to comb through scrapbooks filled with articles and photos). Now it's muscle-bound thugs prancing about, posturing, and attempting to prove what bad asses they are. No more. No thanks. Buh-bye!
• Network programming execs with their heads up their butts. These ass clowns don't seem to understand a couple of simple concepts. 1) We can't watch every show on TV -- try as we might -- and are constantly forced to abandoned much beloved shows because the executards have decided to take on a juggernaut in certain time slots. Why do they think so many viewers end up watching episodes online? 2) We resent them messing with our viewing habits. 3) Ratings will continue to decline because we'll refuse to play their games.
• Copycat Programs. Mythbusters rocks, Smash Lab mocks. That's but one example of what I mean. While I appreciate the whole idea of making science exciting (hey, I like seeing my son trying to think a few steps ahead and predicting outcomes -- that's what science is all about), Smash Lab comes across as a poorly executed clone with more explosions. Mythbusters has the 4:1 male/female personality ratio and Smash Lab went 3:1. It's true that our favorite myth busters can tackle just so much, but c'mon, Discovery, surely you could have tried a little harder! I could offer up another dozen shows to gripe about, but that would take ages.
• Nick@Nite. The Fresh Prince has gone stale. It seems as though we have had night after night of "blocks" and marathons of Will and the gang. We know every episode by heart. Can we please have a little variety? Wait, we're not asking, we're demanding! We want something else. I'll even take more episodes of the Jeff Foxworthy Show to escape from this hell. Or better still, if I want to watch a rapper on the telly, I'll check out Snoop Dogg's Father Hood, fo' shizzle. But seriously, we really don't need more than two episodes of any show in a single night except on special occasions. Bring back Newhart, Mad About You, Designing Women, Car 54 Where Are You?, My Mother The Car...anything.
• Scientology. Not even considered a "religion" in most countries, Scientology is nothing more than a cult for everyone who lost faith in JZ Knight and Ramtha. Don't remember that? It's okay. I don't think Linda Evans does either. Back to Scientology though. A creation of a sci-fi writer. Aliens. Levels. Psychiatry bad, invisible braces for adults good. As if outward appearance is all that really matters. My own child called it utter stupidity. Nuff said.
• "Open the eyes of my heart" again and I'll throw up. Please, dear God, call upon Your contemporary Christian composers to write new songs and let's do away with all these commercials advertising the same old songs over and over and over and over and over and over again. "I could sing of Your love forever" myself, but 1) You'd lose followers and 2) it's been done to death. Let's put all these songs on the cross and move on.
• Speaking of music, let's do away with all the breathy ingenues, plastic pop princesses, and hackneyed wannabes. As well, let's ditch the crappy compilations, especially those with songs reworked so they're kid-friendly. Our children deserve better.
• Oprah. Anything Oprah-related.
• The flu. I'm already sick of it. Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha heh...he...[insert death rattle here]

I'm obviously much sicker than I anticipated. Or perhaps it's more like illness brings out my true nature. Whatever. I'm going to ask Granny for some of her tonic while Jed and Jethro are off hunting for possum.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:45 AM | Comments (4)

January 22, 2007

Health Update

It's been a long time since I gave an update on what's going on with my back and such. There are many other things going on in my life, too. Family health issues, etc. Plus, it all ties in to my "case" and that means other problems and I hate doing nothing but yammer about the bad stuff. I guess I feel like a whiner when I do this, so I haven't blogged about it much.

Anyway, here's the thing...

I've seen the QME (qualified medical examiner) and he's ordered another MRI. My regular doc isn't doing anything to uncover the cause of my lower and mid back pain or to treat it, declaring she's done all she can and I'm just going to have to live with it. Um, not so much, hon. When I can barely get to the bathroom sometimes because of the weakness and/or pain, when I can barely GO to the bathroom, when I can't sleep...don't you think there's something significant going on? I do. And so does every other doctor I've seen. But the insurance company is only listening to the main doc. Until now.

So, the QME is stepping up to the plate. The insurance company has to go with what the QME orders. And yet, despite a year of my doc dragging her heels, they're cutting off payment (as is permissible by law, and completely, morally unconscionable if you ask me).

I'm trying to keep from stressing about this too much. Stress and back injuries do not mix well. But it weighs on my mind.

Can I go back to any sort of real work yet? No. Anything that requires me to have a schedule, requires focus and clarity of thought isn't practical at this time. I can't predict when I will have flare ups. I can't predict when I will get enough sleep. I can't predict when I'm going to be lucid. Sort of hard to plan around that, eh?

For the most part, I try to keep my thoughts to just getting around from day to day. I've let things slide that most likely shouldn't have been let go, like the research on the time limit for WC payments. But I've had to do what I've had to do just to get by, you know?

Do me a favor, if you will, and say a prayer that the new MRI (in a couple weeks) sheds light on the cause of the weakness and pain and other problems so I can get back to my old self. I miss my old life and I miss my old self.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:37 PM | Comments (2)

June 27, 2006

Broken Heart Syndrome

Believe it or not, there is such a thing as Broken Heart Syndrome. In separate studies, it was proven that heart wrenching events caused changes in cardiac function.

Yeah, that's part of the nursing newsletter that showed up in my email overnight. Strange that it would come on the heels of the death of a man whose heart had been shattered.

Thanks to Chris Muir for taking notice of what has been a big shock and loss for many people.

More thanks go out to Ronnie Baker Brooks for helping to ease the pain. Some serious blues and big hug made a world of difference.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:51 AM | Comments (1)

June 12, 2006

Project Valour IT

Imagine not being able to log onto your computer and check your email, read the news, or catch up on the latest photos of your children or other family. You want to, but your hands and arms, for whatever reason, aren't available to you. Or maybe you can't see. Good Lord, you can't see anything or use your arms! Imagine being far away from friends and family and feeling completely isolated while you lie in a hospital bed, scared. For less than $700, a wounded soldier, airman, sailor, or Marine can reconnect with loved ones, erasing the miles and much of the fear that comes with being alone while fighting to recover from severe injuries that have robbed you of your independence.

Project Valour IT makes this all possible. Or rather, Valour IT and YOU make this possible.

• Dell C610 laptop computer
  (P3 1 GHz, 512 MB RAM, 40 GB HD, WiFi, DVD-R/W, Windows XP, MS Office) $625
  
• Voice Activated Software with Headset No Cost
  
• TOTAL per laptop (incl. shipping, est. $35): $660.00

Less than $700 to give our wounded warriors a little independence and the gift of communication.

Amazing, isn't it?

Captain Chuck Ziegenfuss has been there. He experienced the benefits of voice activated technology as he recovered from injuries sustained in Iraq. Sergeant Elijah Allen knows how wonderful a gift these computers are, too. These men represent almost 500 others who know the power of communication as distributed by Project Valour IT and the generosity of folks like you.

I wish I had money to buy someone a computer straight out, but I'm working on a loaner myself. When I think of the independence and opportunities I have with this laptop, I can only imagine how much worse it is for someone who can't access the keyboard or see what's on the screen. Too many hours spent lying alone with no means of communication is lonely and depressing and frustrating. I would be nowhere without my borrowed laptop on days when I'm immobile. Weeks, months, and years would be completely unbearable.

If you can donate a dollar or two, that brings someone in need one step closer to independent communication. It's such an easy thing to do. So very easy. As easy as clicking on a link such as this one.

Posted by Da Goddess at 12:00 AM | Comments (3)

June 10, 2006

Beauty and Bodies

My friend and co-editor over at Blogcritics wrote the most incredible article on beauty and nudity ever.

When nude, we can't hide behind our money, education, titles, and property. Whether they admit it or not, for most, nudity is less about modesty and more about status. In the nude, no one is rich or poor, educated or illiterate, a doctor or a maid. We are all the same — naked. If we do come out from behind what we have and come to accept our every flaw, we'll soon come to see our own beauty. In so doing, we will be able to see the beauty in others and will soon realize others are seeing the same in us.

That's just a very small portion of an incredibly moving piece. I wanted to copy the entire thing, but instead, I will send you there directly.

Go read. Do yourselves a big favor and read it. Every blessed beautiful word.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:46 AM | Comments (4)

June 07, 2006

Bring on the Pain!

Big day at the pain clinic today. It turned out to be especially painful as I've been hurting terribly since Friday. Yesterday I barely moved except to get up and head to the bathroom. It was an adventure, let me tell you!

I've been battling pain issues a lot lately and I'm beginning to wonder if I couldn't just lop off my head and make it all go away. Then again, I think, "well, you're obviously feeling SOMETHING, so you're alive. That's always good." Good being a relative term.

But, yes, I'm alive and that counts for a lot.

Now, if only the pain clinic weren't so intent on trying to kill me.

I guess it's a case of the old "you gotta be cruel to be kind" or something.

Note: Heh. Someone decided I'm experiencing the wonderful attention from a physical terrorist. Yep. That about sums it up.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:53 PM | Comments (2)

April 03, 2006

Life is Stranger Than You Think - Reflections on Life and Death

Saturday was a really nice day. Despite my back hurting (and basically flattening me for two weeks), I was very excited about what was a fantastic afternoon and evening.

CalTech Girl and her husband showed up around 1 p.m. and took me out to lunch. What an awesome couple! So enjoyable, so funny, so smart, and just...well, everything I'd imagined them to be and more. I had no idea just how down-to-earth they were.

After lunch, we had to take care of a little shopping. From Target to Best Buy, we got what we needed and headed off to a "We're So Glad You're Not Dead" party for Mikey. That wasn't the official title, but that's what it really was. That, and a "Lucky Duck" extravaganza. (Pics to follow at some point, if I can manage it.)

The evening was fantastic. From Mikey's reaction to the duck theme (ICU psychosis/hallucinations) to the many friends and family who showed up, from the gifts to the laughter, it was truly heartwarming. As many know, my friend has made a remarkable comeback following his coma. He's still dealing with rehab and such, but he's working hard and making wonderful progress.

Following the party, CTG and hub dropped me off at home and I tried to get a little sleep. The Vicodin had kicked in at this point and I dozed off for a few hours. Around 4 a.m., I woke up feeling very strange. Not sick, just strange.

I was supposed to see Mrs. Smash's play yesterday afternoon and take some photos for her, but we rescheduled since the cast had other things happening. That worked out just fine for everyone.

By 2 p.m., I was weepy and feeling completely out of sorts for some reason. Something still wasn't right and I didn't know what it was. I finally went to bed. Upon awakening, I found out via email that one of the local musicians (one with whom I had much wonderful correspondence and occasional contact) had died. Time of death? 2:38 p.m.

Call it a coincidence or whatever you want, that's how it went down.

I've written his obit, made many phone calls, and have shed a tear or two. Mostly, I spent the evening and this morning thinking of the many ways he touched my life.

I began to compare his fate with that of Mikey. For a moment I felt guilty that I'd been celebrating Mikey's recovery while this other dear man was hours from death. But there's no way I could have known. And there's no exchange of life in God's book that I've ever heard tell of. The one thing that I know for certain is that we cannot spend our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop. In doing so, we lose sight of all that brings meaning to our lives. Unable to enjoy the music and the poetry and the breathtaking beauty of all that surrounds us, we fail to fulfill our potential as humans.

I'm grateful that Mikey is alive. And, I'm grateful for my friends and family. I'm saddened by Buddy's death. But, I'm also really grateful for a year of laughter and insight from a man who had thought me worthy of his time. Trust me when I say he didn't expend that sort of energy on everyone. But I was fortunate enough to benefit from my "sort of" mentor. I'll miss him much and I will remember him as I go about the business of living.

Mikey and Buddy - two different medical outcomes - each influencing my life in many ways.

Thank you, guys!

Full obit on Buddy is available here.

Posted by Da Goddess at 06:54 AM | Comments (1)

March 03, 2006

One Down, Two to Go

I had my first in the latest round of steroid epidurals yesterday.

This time around, chaos ruled. My MRI results were nowhere to be found. Even though my appointment was a week later than originally sheduled, the right reports weren't there. By the time they were found and faxed to the doc doing the epidural, it was discovered that the MRI was not completed as ordered. They'd only done the lumbar spine. Um, I guess the order that read THORACIC AND LUMBAR didn't appeal to the person doing the MRI and I'll likely have to go back in.

So, there I was, IV fluids started, sitting around in one of those glamorous hospital gowns, hair in the little cap, booties on my feet, and I couldn't stand the wait. I smiled and joked, even though I was hurting (it's been a rather bad week). I hobbled to the bathroom at some point, almost knocking out my IV. Thankfully, I didn't and the IV continued to work.

The doc agreed to IV Benadryl during the procedure in hopes of heading off the rash I always get. I'd never really thought much about it, but did you know that IV Benadryl can make you cough? It can and it did. It was weird.

I vaguely remember the needle being stuck in my back. Thank God for sedation! I also barely recall being moved onto the gurney and rolled into the recovery room. I do know that I didn't feel as horrible after this epidural as I did last time. Since they were working on my mid back and not the neck, I was spared the headache and vomiting. I liked that!

The Smashes picked me up from the surgical center and we got some food. I sat around their house for about a half hour and then drove home. I probably should have stayed down there with them longer, but I really wanted my pillow and blanket on the sofa at home. And that's just what I got. I slept for almost four hours and woke up really sore.

The pain from the injection is bad, but not as bad as the headaches I had last time. I'm really grateful for that. Really. REALLY! The hot flashes are back. Yuck! I hate those. I've changed clothes several times already from all the sweating. The rash is starting to itch and I'm popping Benadryl every four hours. But overall, I am optimistic about this series of epidurals. Anything to relieve the pain is worth a shot.

I'm off to shower, get into fresh clothes, take some more pain meds, and go back to bed. Yay, me!

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:22 AM | Comments (5)

February 10, 2006

Personal Update

I've been chastised via email for not updating everyone about what's going on with my back. I guess I figured my back paled in comparison to Mikey's fight and didn't want to bore anyone with the details.

But, since I was prodded, I guess I must oblige.

I will have an MRI next week. They'll be focusing on my thoracic and lumbar spine, checking to see what might be causing the continuing pain. We know there's a problem at T6-7, but is that enough to be a problem? We'll find out.

I'm also going to be starting the steroid epidurals again. They'll target the thoracic and possibly the lumbar. I'm nervous about the injections because I remember what it was like last time. However, I'm sort of looking forward to the possibility of having some significant pain relief.

Sunday, during Operation Thank You, I was there for less than two hours and felt every step I took, every moment of standing. That's not the way I want to live. I have to be more mobile than that!

Pain is not welcome here. I've issued packing orders, but it's not really listening. Distraction helps, but only for a while.

Luckily, I've been able to accomplish a few things. Down days are down. Up days are for playing catch up. I still think my health issues aren't nearly as troubling as those that other people face, but then again, there are times when they trump everything else going on around me.

Can't wait for that MRI. Can't wait for those injections. Anyone available for chauffeuring duties on the 23rd?

Posted by Da Goddess at 03:56 PM | Comments (4)

January 21, 2006

Septic Shock

With all the excitement over Mikey's thumbs up yesterday, it was especially difficult to hear that he took a turn for the worse today.

Septic shock is the current problem. His poor body just can't fight the infection -- even with the help of antibiotics -- right now.

The "virus" that was reported yesterday wasn't a virus after all. It was MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus). You add that to everything else, and our Mikey has a pretty tough battle on his hands.

Despite the septic shock, he was still responding to Mrs. Mikey's touch and voice. He's in there. He's there. Keep praying, keep believing, keep hoping.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:39 PM | Comments (11)

January 20, 2006

EEGs, CTs, and the Eyes

The CT was done and showed no new bleeds. A clot was identified but the doctors don't seem worried about it.

The EEG showed that Mikey's not "brain dead", which we all knew. It's just good to hear it officially. Nothing was said about other damage, but that's okay. There's plenty of time for that.

The eyes...Mikey opened his eyes spontaneously. Several times. And he was able to open them in response to Mrs. Mikey. He even opened them for Smash last night!

I have been stuck at home with a child with a belly ache for a couple of days. I'm excited about Mikey's progress, but I really want to see it for myself!

I've had some wonderful input from an ICU (neuro) nurse. She's helped fill in the blanks. I've worked with many patients, but not at this level of care and/or acuity. It's good to have expert input.

Don't forget to leave comments. They're being printed out and read to Mikey. His wife said that he gets "twitchy" when she reads them to him and it's good to think that he's hearing your words of love and encouragement.

If you'd rather send a card and/or donation:

Mad Mikey
c/o SMASH
PO Box 882353
San Diego, CA 92108-2353

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:05 AM | Comments (4)

January 18, 2006

Pneumonia - Mikey Update

Today's news: pneumonia.

The medical team was able to obtain an x-ray and discovered the pneumonia. Chances are, a nurse was assessing him and noticed a change in lung sounds. That's how many pneumonias are found. This particular group of nurses rock! I'm not surprised they caught this so early.

So, the pneumonia's being treated. They caught it early enough that there shouldn't be any major complications.

The EEG is still pending, as are the angiogram and the CT. The EEG will likely be the first test done when the docs give the word.

In other news, Smash has set up a special separate PayPal account just for Mikey. We're going to help take care of some of the family's living expenses since Mikey won't be working for a long time.

To send cards or small packages to Mikey:

Mad Mikey
c/o SMASH
PO Box 882353
San Diego, CA 92108-2353

To donate to the fund (new improved button!):

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:38 PM | Comments (6)

January 17, 2006

Tuesday - Part II

Okay, I've been to see Mikey and his wife. I told Mikey that he's gone too far in trying to empathize with Ariel Sharon. I was hoping for a laugh. Or maybe even a slug in the arm for being so awful. I didn't get either.

The movement I saw Mikey make wasn't exactly purposeful, but it's movement.

His tongue was very purple yesterday and is now a bit pinker. You're thinking, how on earth would you know that? Well, his tongue sticks out just a bit. The tubes that are coming out of his mouth sort of push the tongue to the side.

His labs looked good. He was given blood with his dialysis yesterday and that helped his numbers. They're holding steady. Today's dialysis required no removal of excess fluids. Yes! That's awesome news! But that part can change rapidly.

Blood pressure (BP) was a bit elevated when I saw him. Not terribly high, though. The ICP was lower, just not as low as I was expecting/hoping.

The EEG will probably be done tomorrow, but it's not 100%. The angiogram and CT will wait because Mikey's still too unstable to withstand that. He can take the head of the bed moving up and down a bit, but side to side is too much.

The nurse and the respiratory therapist were at bedside when I was able to see Mikey. Both were fantastic! I watched with my nurse's eye as they performed their tasks. They had no idea I was a nurse so there was no special performance for my sake. Not only were they thorough, they were exceptionally attentive to detail, checking everything. It was great to see them in action.

Let's see, what else?

He has a fever. This isn't unexpected. Considering that thermoregulation occurs in the brain, any trauma (like surgery) can cause temps to fluctuate. There is no sign of infection. Blood cultures have been negative thus far. This is good news. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this remains the case.

Little Dude wanted to go in and see him, but we told him he was too young still. He was very upset by the news. Mikey's one of LD's favorite people. Mikey's daughter is another special person in LD's life. They were able to hang out this afternoon and it did them both a world of good.

It's tough to be a kid and faced with so much fear and uncertainty. That's why friends and family are so important.

Which brings me to my next point. Mikey's family. Some of you have emailed asking me why we've talked only about his in-laws. Well, there's a very good reason for that. Mikey's mom is currently battling lung cancer. She's already been through chemo and radiation and they're preparing her for hospice. As you can imagine, his brothers have been pretty busy dealing with that. His sister will come if things take a turn for the worse. His father passed away not long ago. And his step-mother is down in Florida at this time.

All he really has is Mrs. Mikey and his daughter, Mrs. Mikey's family, and us. Friends do a great job picking up where family leaves off many times. And that's what we do. Especially for the good guys like Mikey.

We managed to arrange for a ticket for Mrs. Mikey's mom. If you'd like to contribute to that fund (to reimburse the generous soul who purchased it so we could move forward), or to contribute to any other portion of the bills that need to be paid, head on over to Smash's site. We're going to assemble the list of expenses that need to be covered tomorrow and we'll get that list online as soon as we can. Smash has been chosen to handle the finances because, let's face it, he's honest as hell.

How are we handling the money? After speaking with a CPA/attorney, it was decided that we'd go the PayPal route. Setting up a trust at a bank would subject the funds to taxes. We'd rather have all the money go to Mikey and his family. Details will be over at Smash's.

As well, Smash has generously opened his P.O. Box for Mikey mail.

I think that's about it. I'm tired and having a hard time focusing. Rest assured, any new info will be posted here.

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:10 PM | Comments (7)

Mikey Tuesday

I spoke with Mrs. Mikey a while ago and this is the update I received:

Sedation was lowered and Mikey responded. The nurse was wiping his face with a cloth, he seemed to like it, and turned toward her. She told him to turn his head back the other way but he wouldn't do so. Mrs. Mikey told him to turn his head toward her, and he did!

At one point, Mrs. Mikey was talking to her friend about him and he pulled her arm. She asked him if he wanted her to stop talking about him and he pulled her arm again. She stopped talking about him and he relaxed.

They've reduced his blood pressure medication because his blood pressure has come down. Yay!

His blood pressure and his ICP are lowest when his daughter is by his side.

This is all good news. Very good news. Still, he's not out of the woods yet. The doctor has told Mrs. Mikey that there is brain damage, no doubt about it. How much? They don't know yet. And the stroke occurred in the part of the brain that controls personality and cognitive ability. Mikey may not be the same guy he was before.

There will be more info later. I'm working on the plane ticket front right now and fielding a million phone calls. I'll be back.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:12 PM | Comments (5)

January 15, 2006

Mikey Update

Mikey had surgery tonight. The surgeon went in to remove blood clots and to stop bleeding. There's a lot of swelling in his brain and they couldn't put the bone plate back in.

Right now, things are pretty much at the wait and see stage.

Several of us are going to see what we can do to help Mikey's family tomorrow. Obviously, there will be no income from his job. His wife will need to be off work as well. We'll likely set up a fund to help them get through this and I'll update you as we figure things out.

I'll be posting word on Mikey's condition as it comes in.

Keep praying!

P.S. Comment comment comment! I will print out whatever comments that appear here or on Mikey's site and take them to the hospital. Mrs. Mikey has expressed her gratitude for all who have offered their kind thoughts and prayers. They are much appreciated.

P.P.S. Anyone who can figure out what the hell is wrong with the MT Blacklist on my site should email me at Dagoddess at G(ee)Mail. Com and I'll give you the necessary keys to the thing for you to fix them.

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:11 PM | Comments (20)

October 01, 2005

Lend A Hand - Support Breast Cancer Research

I am so proud to be associated with the Boobie-thon, as a participant, a donor, and a photo editor. What began as a lark has turned into something that inspires hope on many levels.

*For Immediate Release: Bloggers bare all for breast cancer research!*

October 1, 2005 --Boobies. Although they come in all shapes and sizes (large, small, saggy and perky), they have one thing in common: The ability to develop cancer.

Even though there is no cure yet, the fourth annual Blogger Boobie-Thon is doing its part to make cancer a thing of the past.

From October 1-8, bloggers from across the globe can submit pictures of bare and covered breasts to raise money for breast cancer causes.

Four years ago, Robyn - of (the now defunct) Tampa Tantrum and Shutterblog.com - began a little fundraiser to bring a friend down to Florida for Thanksgiving. A few photos of cleavage were posted as enticement for donations. I participated. In fact, I was the first Pay-Per-Boob. What the hell, it wasn't like many people were going to see the photos, right? Little did anyone realize that the cost of the plane ticket for Robyn's friend would be greatly exceeded. The excess funds were donated to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Cut to the following year - everyone wanted to know if there would be a repeat of the Boobiethon. There was, and even more money was raised. This time, however, there were no plane tickets involved. This was about breast cancer. This was serious business, but we all got to participate in a very fun, light-hearted way.

The third year, last year, was the biggest and best event thus far. Over $8,000 was raised in about two weeks. The Boobiethon had received some press at that point, giving much more exposure to breast cancer awareness.

The Fourth Annual Boobiethon is currently featured in an article for Wired News, and will no doubt, receive more coverage than ever before.


It may seem frivolous to some people, but we've raised more than $17,000 dollars for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation in three years.

Fact: A woman living in the United States has a 12.5 percent, lifetime risk of developing breast cancer. However, a large portion of the overall risk is due to the risks at older ages.

Bloggers, both men and women, submit cleavage photos, and/or more revealing shots, including those from breast cancer survivors as a means of bringing in donations. Some people find this offensive, but we're not trying to excite or stimulate people in any way, only to support breast cancer research.

Fact: Breast cancer risk is higher among women whose close blood relatives have the disease, but about 90 percent of women who develop breast cancer do not have a family history of it.

From a comment at MetaFilter: Seeing the nursing moms and guys in there startles you out of the boobs-as-objects mindset, and draws attention to the point of the boobiethon.

Fact: Internet e-mail rumors and at least one book suggested that underwire bras obstruct lymph flow, but there is no scientific or clinic evidence for that claim. E-mail rumors also suggested that chemicals in antiperspirants could be absorbed through the skin, interfere with lymph circulation and cause toxins to accumulate in the breast that could lead to cancer. There is no evidence to support this rumor.

All of the bloggers participating do so for a variety of reasons. Some have lost friends or family to breast cancer. Some have faced personal battles. No matter the reason, we continue to gain support every year, and that support adds up to donations for research.

Fact: Breast cancer most often spreads, or metastasizes, to the lymph nodes, lungs, bones, liver and/or brain.

When I was quite young, my aunt (for whom I was named) died of breast cancer. Back in the early 70s, we didn't have the technology available that we do today. My aunt's battle was horrendous and memories of her fight against cancer still bring tears to my mother's eyes. I've also lost several friends to the disease. Some have survived their initial battles, only to succumb after the thought they were in the clear. I have another friend who recently lost her second breast to cancer. She is so brave. She doesn't care what it takes, she's determined to beat it.

Fact: Breast cancer occurs primarily in women, but occassionally in men as well. Like all cells in the body, a man's breast duct cells can undergo cancerous changes. Breast cancer in males is one of the rarest cancers a man can develop.

A San Diego anchorman, Bill Griffith, kept a journal on his experience with breast cancer.

Fact: For all ages combined, white women are more likely to develop breast cancer than African-American women, but African-American women under age 50 have higher incidence rates than white women.

While our methods may not necessarily be mainstream, it's important to remember that we're still contributing, still hoping to find a cure. You can, too.

The Boobie-thon runs until October 8, 2005. Fact: Resources for the "Facts" include Oncolink, American Cancer Society, Ohio State's James Cancer Hospital, and the Centers for Disease Control.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:41 PM | Comments (2)

September 29, 2005

Boobiethon 2005

Yes, it's that time of year again - when bloggers share their assets to raise money for a very good cause. However, this year, donations will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and to the American Red Cross Hurricane Relief fund.

What other group rewards you so amply for contributing to such great organizations?

By the way, check out the article on the Boobiethon over at Wired News.

Posted by Da Goddess at 02:17 PM | Comments (3)

September 17, 2005

Humpty Dumpty's Back on the Wall

Updates, updates, updates. I've attempted this several times and ended up with nada. There is no long-story-short version. Consider yourself warned.

Wednesday: The garage called with an update on my car. The serpentine belt was toast. The radiator was full of sludge. I asked them to call my dad with the news. I couldn't take it. I was tired and hurting and couldn't even begin to process the info. Hell, I didn't know if this stuff was necessary - that's my dad's forte.

Later that day, the garage calls back to say the car is done. My mom takes me down to the garage. The guys all come over to say hello. (This is a really nice bunch of people.) We chat for a bit and then they hand me my keys. The manager tells me that my dad left me a special envelope in the car. Free oil change coupons. Not only did he float me the loan for the repairs, he's making sure I'm set for the next few months for oil. I'm thisclose to tears - my dad will do these things every once in a while and surprise the hell out of me. The manager tells me how lucky I am and I have to agree...

After I get home, I'm finally beginning to relax. It's all done, nothing else looming, right? Wrong. Apparently I do better stressed than I do relieved because I went into total back spasm. Grrrrr! Oh well, that's what pain meds and ice packs are for.

Thursday: After barely two hours of sleep, I head out to PT. I do my stretches and end up with my first real massage since surgery. I was finally able to get down on the table and let the therapist work my whole back. Practically two months since the operation and that's the first time I've been able to lie down for a real massage.

After that, I ask if we can check my range-of-motion measurements. I gained a lot of ground there, despite missing several appointments. I do my homework, you know?

Forward - chin-to-chest, if you will - 60 degrees. Last time it was around 50. My first visit, I was at 41.

Back - looking up - 21 degrees. I'd been at 5. It still hurts like hell and makes me dizzy, but I can get to 23 degrees after stretching and a massage.

Rotate Left - 23 degrees. I was at 12.

Rotate Right - 27 degrees. 9 was the last measurement.

Great news, great strides, exceeded their goals for me. But it all hurts like a mofo. Eh, that's life sometimes.

Spent the rest of the day with ice packs and naps.

Late meeting and missed the Survivor premiere. Don't laugh. I take my amusement where I can find it.

Friday: Achingly get up and get my ass down to the surgeon's office. He's an hour and a half behind schedule. While I'm sitting there, cringing and internally whinging (my cute radiology tech isn't there), I end up talking with a woman who is two weeks out from the same procedure. We compare notes and both feel a little better. Our experiences are very similar and I'm feeling a little more normal.

I'm finally called back and figure I have a while before the doc comes in, so I lay down. I actually drift off to sleep. Two minutes later, my wonderful doctor opens the door. We talk. I show him my "report card" from PT. He's pleased. I tell him that I'm paying for the progress and ask for trigger point injections. I'm rewarded with two needles jammed in my back, leaving me feeling slightly better. Hey, I take whatever relief I can get.

I get done with the appointment and stop by Time Warner to pay my bill. It seems they're giving away money or something, the line's so damn long. A couple of phone calls make it easier to keep standing there. Or maybe not. Grumble, grumble. From TW, I head over to pick Little Dude up from school. One of his classmates has brought her two cats to school at the end of the day for sharing. They're a big hit with the kids and they don't seem to mind all the pawing they get. I finally convince my son that there's an ice cream cone with his name on it at McDonald's and we leave. Note: our McD's has the best value in town. For 49 cents, it's all good.

Next up, two hours of bookstore goodness. Reading books for free. And then dinner with my friend and his daughter. I drop LD off at his dad's house and head home exhausted, sore, but happy. I love spending time with my kid.

Once home, I take care of the email that's built up all day and then begin a love letter to my latest crush. Don't laugh. It's not nice. A girl's gotta dream.

Almost everything on my list is done so I'm going to attempt to sleep. TTFN!

(See? I told you there was no long-story-short to be found here.)

Posted by Da Goddess at 12:21 AM | Comments (3)

September 12, 2005

You Round Up the Drill, I'll Get the Weasels

I saw my primary occupational medicine doctor today (read: the work comp doc) and she informed me that I'm months away from being ready for the work conditioning program. The final step before I return to duty.

I can't tell you just how reassuring this news was. Not.

I'm a little frustrated by the proclamation. Sure, I knew deep down that this was the case, but I wanted some hopeful, encouraging words. I wanted good news. I still have one more appointment at the end of the week with the surgeon. I'll have my xrays done at that time and find out what he thinks. I'm curious to know what the fusion looks like, especially since the last 10 days have been rife with sniffling, sneezing, and coughing up a lung. (I'm just glad I didn't have this crud right after the surgery!)

After I got done with my appointment, I came home to tend to a few emails and chores before heading out to a meeting. I was excited about the meeting. I was leaving my house early, I was going to get there before most of the others, giving me a chance to talk to a couple people about non-group stuff. If traffic cooperated, I could even stop and grab snacks for everyone.

Anyone familiar with Murphy's Law, or with me, knows that when I'm running ahead of schedule, something bad is looming just over the horizon.

Da Goddessmobile died in the middle of an intersection.

No one stopped to help me as I sat there, hazards flashing away, trying to convince the purple princess to start. Honking, fingers, blah blah blah. Finally, two very kind pedestrians came to ask if I needed assistance. With their help, the car was safely moved to the side of the road. A quick call to let the folks I was meeting know what was up yielded a ride far away from my traitorous auto. (Okay, it wasn't so much "far" as it was "away.")

While I was waiting for that ride, I called my dad. When something bad happens to my car I always call my dad. It's the law. It's in his Dad Contract. Since we both have appointments tomorrow (doc for him, PT for me), he said he'd take me down to pick the car up in the afternoon. Chances are, it will have to be towed. (Note: I just had my battery replaced not too long ago. I had to have my neighbor help me with the first jump - he supplied the cables as mine seem to have walked off with the former boyfriend when he moved. The second jump was from AAA and they did a read on my ULTRA LOW battery, hence the need for a new one. Needless to say, I am not pleased that I'm experiencing more car trouble.)

So, let's recap here.

1) Doc says I won't be returning to work for months.
2) My car dies.

This isn't the worst thing that could happen, but it's certainly not something I can afford. As I told my dad, I wasn't going to cry, though. Crying wouldn't help the situation.

The good news was that I got the ride to the meeting. And, a friend who lives relatively near me gave me one home. I did have her stop by my car so I could grab something I forgot, tried to start the car (it started!), only to have it die once again less than a block later. We (meaning, she and I) are fairly sure it's a problem with the computer chip that tells my car what to do. Yeah, yeah...we're chicks and we came up with that. Bite me. (Not the cute guy in the corner. You, cutie pie, you can nibble.)

The most pathetic part of the entire day? It's taken me almost two hours to write this poor excuse of a post.

Let the giggling commence.

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:57 PM | Comments (7)

August 25, 2005

One Woman, No Cry

Yesterday was fraught with danger.

[Cue Steve Irwin voice]
Danjah, danjah, danjah!
[/SI voice]

The itchy stitch was removed.

I didn't cry, not even a little.

I almost kneed my favorite surgeon in the family jewels while he was attempting to wrest the naughty knot from my neck, but I warned him and he moved.

I was stunned at the size of the glob of flesh that was extracted. It had grown all around the stitch. If I'd had the camera with me, I'd have taken a picture, but that was the last thing on my mind as I took my cranky and slightly seeping suture down to his office.

A little blood and lots of "eeeeessssshhhh", with a few "you're doing great, sweetie" (yes, my doctor called me sweetie) later, and the son of a bitch stitch was gone.

Don't you just love my post-op updates?

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:04 AM | Comments (9)

August 18, 2005

In Stitches

I have a lone stitch from my surgery that sticks out of my incision site. All my stitches were internal. It's not dissolving and it's bugging the hell out of me.

Any suggestions on how to get it to go away?

And, no...I can't just pull it out. It's firmly attached.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:12 PM | Comments (6)

August 12, 2005

PT Begins

I started physical therapy today.

Oh joy.

I am now going to take a couple Vicodin and retire to the sofa for a nap.

It's a thrill a minute here, folks.

Posted by Da Goddess at 11:27 AM | Comments (2)

August 10, 2005

Taking it Day By Day

While Chris Muir is usually very funny and insightful (his strip on that Vodka guy and Vk had me laughing - not because their pain is funny, but because I recognized myself in it - we bloggers must keep blogging through ANYTHING), today's strip has a deeper meaning. Please click and help. Doesn't cost a thing, folks. Just....click.

Chris has been a wonderful friend of the blogosphere. It's our turn to help him and his sister.

Thanks to Cam for reminding me.

Posted by Da Goddess at 04:31 PM | Comments (5)

August 05, 2005

Post-Op Update

Wednesday was a nightmare.

My first appointment was at 9:30am. When I got there, I was told the doctor wasn't in. He was assisting with an emergency surgery.

I burst into tears and said I needed to see someone. I was in a great deal of pain. I had been since Friday. I'd been trying to hold out as long as possible because I knew I'd be seeing someone on Wednesday. I had my game face on for six days. Didn't that count for anything?

They took me back to a room and let me lay down. The PA (physician's assistant) came in and we reviewed all my symptoms. I went for xrays and then was escorted by the handsome xray tech back to the exam room.

The PA had put a call in for the surgeon who said she should try a trigger point injection on me. So, the PA came in and did just that. Mmm, more steroids and lidocaine. For those of you following closely, you'll remember how fond I am of steroids. This was a little different though. I actually experienced some relief. Imagine that! Still had plenty of pain in many areas, but I could tell that something was different.

I had to go back for more xrays (they have to verify that they didn't inject into lung tissue) and was told to return at 1:30.

Notes on the xray tech. As the same guy walked up to take me back for the latest round, I said he'd have to bring flowers the next time. When he told me I needed to take off everything from the waist up, I said that required dinner. Fortunately, he possessed a great sense of humor and laughed heartily. While we were waiting for the films to come up (no sense in me getting dressed if I had to do it all over again), we talked about music and such. He's in a band and they include blues in the repertoire. Guess what? I list bands who play blues. Since taking on the calendar duties, I seem to run into more musicians and singers than you can imagine. It's a win-win proposition for all. They get exposure, I get to beef up the listings. Anyhow....the films looked great and I was done.

I went on to my next appointment and saw the primary occupational med doc. She was surprised to see how good the incision looked and noted that I still looked tired. I told her I hadn't slept well for many days and she nodded. When I told her that I'd had adverse reactions to two sleeping meds, she nodded again and said she really understood why I appeared so fatigued. When I told her how bad the reactions had been, she got concerned and made many notes.

Let me tell you something - when you take a med that causes you to blow up like a balloon after one dose, you can't pee for a day and a half, and you're tired/sore/practically unable to move, you remember the med and you notify the doctor. The surgeon was well-aware of what Restoril and Ambien did to me. We shan't be taking those again. Ever. Since the primary didn't have my chart (it was still at the surgeon's office), she felt the need to document my experiences. That's fine by me. I'd rather have it all well-documented and avoid meds than to have someone attempt to give them to me again.

I finished up with her and went back to the surgeon's office. He was in. Finally. He looked at all the xrays and told me things looked okay. He noted that the plate in my neck looked a little off-center but wasn't concerned. The bulk of my pain, numbness and tingling were normal for someone who had experienced nerve compression and damage as I had. The nerves get irritated and it can take from 6-12 months to calm down. Six to twelve months? As long as it's manageable and I can work, fine. Otherwise I will become a complete basket case, have to resort to placing ads on my sidebars, and bleg for rent money on a regular basis.

I didn't get out of there until 3:30pm. Don't forget, I'd started at 9:30 that morning. For that amount of time anywhere, I like to get paid.

I don't go back to the surgeon for 4 weeks unless the pain gets severe again. If need be, I can have more trigger point injections. Despite my dislike for injected steroids, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

So there you have it. My incredibly fascinating life as a post-op spine patient. In full technicolor....er....guess not. No photos. Well, you know what I mean.

If you've emailed or called and I haven't responded, that's why. I'm tired. I'm cranky. And I pretty much shut down for 24 hours. Sometimes you have to do that.

Special note of thanks to everyone who donated to Emma's walk fund! By doing so, you've helped the American Diabetes Association develop research programs and educational materials, in addition to many other things. It's wonderful to know that you would be so kind to help a little girl who has a long life of needles and medications ahead of her. Maybe, in her lifetime, there'll be a cure.

P.S. If you want something beautiful to look at, Mrs. Smash's portrait seemed to draw many favorable comments. I happen to know where there are more such lovely images. I happen to know the photographer, too.

Posted by Da Goddess at 06:43 AM | Comments (14)

August 01, 2005

In Need Of Real Heroes

It's easy enough for me to blog about my woes following surgery and spiders, but those problems are temporary. And they're nothing compared to what many children face on a daily basis.

Just months after I first started blogging three years ago, I became friends with an amazing man. Devoted to his children and grandson, he quickly became one of my favorite people. We blogged and chatted away for many months. Over time, the focus of his blog became less political and more family-oriented. Soon, there was news of a new addition to his family.

Emma Grace entered the world at 4:05 AM, August 22, 2004. She was lovingly embraced by her big brother, mom and dad, her uncle, her grandmother, and her grandfather, my friend. Little Emma became the subject of my friend's posts. Her growth and development brought smiles and and much happiness to the entire clan.

Emma grew by leaps and bounds. Every milestone was greeted with cheers and excitement. No one could resist her bright smiles.

A couple of months ago, Emma's dad, Nick, received a phone call from his wife.

"You need to come back home," Amy, Emma's mom, said.

Nick then heard Amy utter the words "Emma's blood sugar is high."

Keep in mind that we're talking about a nine month old baby here. Nine months old. So delicate, so innocent, so very young. When Emma was admitted to the hospital, her blood glucose was at 700. The normal range for blood glucose is 80-120 mg/dl. A level as high as Emma's was that day is enough to cause ketoacidosis and coma if not treated immediately. Fortunately, Emma was admitted to the hospital and given the insulin she needed (a gradual process that requires very close monitoring) to help bring her down to a level that's more easily managed.

For the entire family, this was a great shock. Not only was the sweet child they loved in hospital, but it was almost as if they were reliving a nightmare. It had only been a few years before that Nick himself had been diagnosed with diabetes. He'd experienced the thirst and fatigue that plague the undiagnosed diabetic. With a baby, they can't tell you that they're feeling these symptoms. Not in so many words. The extra bottles, the prolonged naps - symptoms like these can easily be attributed to a growth spurt that children this age are prone to experience.

Emma's home now and doing well. As well as one could possibly expect for a baby to be as she's poked every couple of hours for yet another drop of blood to be placed on the glucometer strip. Adults don't have to do this so frequently but with infants, it's a necessity. Their little bodies metabolize nutrients differently than we do. Because they're still growing and developing, many of their systems are still immature and have needs that must be met more frequently than adults.

When I worked pediatrics, I dealt with new diabetics on a regular basis. Watching a child and their family adjust to the routine is difficult. Watching a baby and his or her family is heartbreaking. The challenges are many. Babies can't check their own blood sugar, they can't tell mom or dad they feel "low" or "high", they can only cry or sleep. A baby's blood sugar can drop quite rapidly. For this very reason, parents are checking glucose levels every couple of hours. Around the clock.

Parents of diabetic infants are easy to recognize. The dark circles under their eyes, the yawns, and the weary smiles give them away. Bottles of glucose water are carried along with formula or breastmilk in the diaper bag. The diaper bag now also starts to resemble a medical kit. Glucometer, test strips, lancets, cotton balls, bandaids, syringes, insulin, urine test strips - all the items necessary to monitor blood sugar. And, of course, in today's world, mom and dad will have a cell phone handy, with the doctor's number programmed in. For extra measure, there's the medic alert bracelet. You know, just in case.

As the baby gets older, bottles of glucose water are replaced with premeasured snacks and glucose tabs or gel.

Illness, while a concern for any parent, soon becomes an even more frightening experience for parents of diabetic children. More frequent blood sugar checks are necessary as illness places different demands on the body's resources. Depending on the doctor and the nature of the illness, insulin may need to be withheld. In some (rare) cases, more insulin may be required. Parents, already familiar with the entire staff at the endocrinologist's office, now come to rely on the staff's knowledge to help keep their child from the hospital.

There are worries that all parents face. Imagine how many more you would have if your child required 24/7 monitoring. This is where you get to be a hero. By helping to find a cure of diabetes, you can make a difference. You can make a tax-deductible donation to the American Diabetes Association in Emma's name by sponsoring her family's walk for a cure. You don't have to donate to Emma's team, but think of how much it would mean to her family.

As of right now, Diabetes is the fifth leading cause of death by disease in the U.S. Diabetes is a chronic disease that has no cure.

Every day medical science is making progress in the search for a cure. Sometimes the discovery is a new drug or tool to help with the management of the disease. Sometimes it's the discovery in the areas of genetics, islet cell biology, immunology, or improvements in diabetes education.

Never underestimate the power of one. The smallest donation is appreciated. Just picture Emma's smile if you need inspiration.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:31 AM | Comments (7)

July 25, 2005

For The Curious

For the curious, I submit to you - the incision. To get the larger image, you may have to view this post as an individual entry. Not sure why this is, but it is.

By the way, the wires are for the bone growth stimulator.

Hopefully, I will feel more rested later to bring you the latest news. Ha!

Only big thing I've done today is vote.

Posted by Da Goddess at 05:01 PM | Comments (19)

July 22, 2005

Going Home, Home, Home Home

I'm going home later today. I have mixed emotions about this.

I can't wait to get to all my things, including my bed. On the other hand, it's five million degrees out there and I don't relish the thought of wearing my collar in that heat.

No matter. I'm heading home today at some point.

Anyone wanna come play nurse? Preferrably some hot stud with really short shorts.....and the desire to fold clothes.

I'm just saying.

Posted by Da Goddess at 07:58 AM | Comments (18)

July 21, 2005

Nurses, Doctors, and Aides, Oh My!

Before I forget, I want to say how wonderful the staff has been here. Everyone is top-notch. Compassionate, patient, genuinely concerned, and very professional - one and all.

I consider myself lucky to be in their care.

P.S. Remind me to go in the hospital more often. You folks are eating this crap up, aren't you?

Posted by Da Goddess at 10:18 PM | Comments (3)

Romancing the Bone - Now With New And Improved Link!

I know, I know. It sounds like an adult movie title. Actually, this refers directly to my appointment tomorrow with someone who will fit me for a bone stimulator.

I'm also aware that bone stimulator sounds dirty to some of you. If I were not in so much pain or so constipated, I might just agree with you.

Oh? You didn't want to know about the constipation? Tough shit.

Bwahahahaha!

Sorry, I'm just full of it right now.

Throw a rim shot in there. I still got it!

So anyhow, back to the bone growth stimulator. Because I had bone removed from my neck, and then had new bone set in there, screws alone will not encourage the old to fuse with the new quickly or sufficiently. The bone growth stimulator will do that. Little pads will be placed upon the back of my neck (which is still very swollen - think the Hunchback less half the hunch.) Signals will be sent from the machine, through wires, to the pad, from the pad, through the skin, and to the tissue below - the bone. We're going to use the machine to act as a dating/mating service for the old bone and the new.

For those of you interested, I did not go the autonomous/autologous donation route. I had cadaver bone placed. With a now well-documented case of degenerative bone disease, it makes absolutely no sense to weaken any of my bones anywhere else on my body. Cadaver bone is perfectly acceptable. And, the bonus is, you can say I'm sort of like the walking dead, if you really wanted to.

I'm so damn generous tonight, aren't I?

Back to the bone growth stuff.

With all the many options available to us anymore, the stimulator gives patients a chance to heal better than ever before. Think of these machines as promoting healthier, stronger bonds.

Pretty cool, eh?

Lots to still do here before I can go home. Especially more of that sleep thing. And meds.

I'll eventually post my dilaudid-addled entry, but not tonight. I need to get up and walk again. Nobody to walk out tonight, but that's okay. I had good company yesterday and I'm still smiling over the silliness of our "deathbed vigil" shot. Morbid? Maybe. Inappropriate? Perhaps. Did it make me forget the pain for a while? Yeah. Very much so.

Ta for now, kids. I'm off to nap or walk or bother a nurse.

Posted by Da Goddess at 09:50 PM | Comments (11)

July 20, 2005

No Good Super Bad Extra Crappy Day Shot To Hell By Cheery Visitors

The hospital was invaded by visitors today and then again tonight. I loved it!

I'd had the shittiest day ever and these warm, wonderful, kind, and funny people totally reversed all the tears and frustrations.

Doc in the Box, Tragic, Smash, Mrs. Smash, and Gracie all came by. We took photos and told stories. After that, they all went out to eat. I was a little envious of them getting to head out, but I know it'll be soon enough for me. I'll be out of here and on my way home soon.

My mom also stopped in today. She came around lunchtime and brought me some lovely flowers. We had a very nice visit. It helped make the weirdness of my morning and then that of the afternoon a little more passable. I wish I could explain it all fully. Bad is bad is bad. My mom and then the other group made it all better.

Here's hoping this post is relatively free of serious typos or stuck letters. Earlier, I tried to leave a comment on one of my posts only to leave a nice string of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz or kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Yeah, I actually had to delete several of those. I kept falling asleep and that, it would seem is the trend for me lately. Go figure.

Look for photos from Doc in the Box to surface at some point soon.

Posted by Da Goddess at 08:50 PM | Comments (0)

We Now Interrupt This Burning Pain To Bring You A Special Report

Thanks for all the great comments! So nice to get those.

I'm really tired and am currently in a great deal of pain. For whatever reason, this last round of meds didn't help as much as the previous sets.

The surgery was completed earlier than anticipated. I was actually in my room by noon. So, surgery, recovery, and the move on up to the 8th floor were all done in just over 4 hours. The swelling in my throat is exactly as it was described to me. I'm on oxygen to help keep my saturation levels in the good range. I have squeezers (sequentials) on my feet to help promote circulation. The machine is somewhat noisy but the benefits completely outweigh the minor irritation of the pump. My collar is very attractive. Gray, hard plastic, a little foam, exactly the sort of thing I know that crazy Paris will be emulating in a couple of weeks.

I've been up walking on several occasions and it feels pretty good to be able to move about freely. Or as freely as one can attached to an IV pole.

My nurses have all been spectacular! I've also been on my very best behavior and I don't think anyone has even considered shooting me yet.

All my medication issues were resolved. The gripe earlier was that they had written for dilaudid to be given as a shot instead of via the IV. Didn't make any sense since the IV is there to facilitate the process. Yes, I bitched to the Smashes about that. I did get the nurse to ask the doc and it turned out that the order was meant to be IV and/or IM depending on how my IV was holding up.

My only complaint now is that no one has bothered to turn down the volume of the IV alarms on other pumps. The confounded shrill coming from other rooms all around me is significant and I can't understand how the patients tolerate it. I had turned the volume down on my pump from the moment it I got hooked up. I did it in front of the nurse, too, so I know at least one person besides me knows how to do it. I'd go adjust all the others, but it's hardly appropriate for me to do so.

Someone is eating their "lunch" right now. Ham, I think. It smells good. Even if it weren't 2 a.m., I think I'd be craving some. If I can swallow better by my lunchtime, I may have to see if there's ham on the menu.

Thanks again for all the prayers! If you want to give a call and have my cell number, please do. If you're in the area and want to visit, that would be lovely. Just don't expect me to get dressed up, put on makeup, or dance a jig. Leave a message for the Smashes and they can direct you to the hospital and my room.

I'm going to head out to the nursing station to request some more meds. Hopefully, this time they will take and I'll be able to get a little relief.

Posted by Da Goddess at 01:57 AM | Comments (31)

July 19, 2005

The Big Day

In two hours I leave for the hospital. I think it's apparent by the timi